Some of the possible fortunes include:
- "You have been chosen by the great metal hand in the sky! Now get to work."
- "You will meet someone special tomorrow, so remember: You draw more friends with kindness than clubbing them to death."
- "Wisdom comes in many shapes, but always flows from the crystals."
- "Warning: The giblet was not safe for human consumption."
- "Put up your sword, your maul, and your lance. The crystals have told us to give peace a chance."
- "Seek a higher path in life. That way, you can avoid low-lifes."
- "You need not fear with a head full of beer!"
- "The meaning of life is... (The rest of this message has been accidentally eaten.)"
- "Let sleeping Gronn lie."
- "Your inclination for dancing brings a smile to everyone's face."
- "Think positive! A large gut to one, is a pair of love handles to another."
- "Sorry. You weren't a winner this time. Please play again."
- "This message was brought to you by the Ogri'la Exploitation Committee. Made in Gadgetzan."
- "You are special, no matter what your friends, relatives, associates, random strangers, or your conscience may tell you."
- "When all else fails, it's time to bail."
- "Drunkenness is next to godliness."
- "You will make an enemy today, and promptly kill it."
- "Don't despair. Your special ogre is out there somewhere."
- "Lucky numbers: 1 3 9 17 4 n"
- "Two heads are better than one! Then you'll always have a friend.