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Crabby: The Dungeon Helper

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This is an April Fools article

This article is a Blizzard April Fools joke. Its content is not part of official Warcraft lore, but represents one of Blizzard's jokes.

Crabby
Were you looking for Official alliance mini-icon [10] Feeling Crabby??
Nothing But the Best

Few things are more fun than plumbing the depths of Azeroth's dungeons with your friends, defeating scores of terrifying monsters, and emerging with your bags stuffed to the brim with epic loot pried from your enemies' cold, dead hands. However, every adventurer knows that the more fantastic the treasure, the more powerful its guardians — and some of the challenges posed by World of Warcraft's Heroic dungeons can be quite daunting.

Wouldn't it be nice to have a helpful friend at your side, ready to provide you with tips and hints when you're stuck? A friend who's there to provide encouragement, who will help you pick yourself up off the floor after the fifteenth wipe of the night? Someone who will stick with you — no matter what?

Everyone can use a friend like that... a friend like Crabby!

Someone to Watch Over Me

You're a hero. An adventurer. A sword-swinger or spell-slinger for hire. Whatever your character's motivation may be, if trouble doesn't find you, it's because you found trouble first. But what do you do when Asaad throws down a grounding field? How do you respond when the Faceless Corruptors enter Erudax's room? Eventually, you'll be thrown a curve ball that you can't catch. When that happens, you'll be glad to have Crabby at your side!

Crabby uses a complex and extensive set of context-sensitive situational heuristics to analyze your current status in real-time; that's tech talk for "Crabby always knows what's up." He watches your every move with his all-seeing eyes. Nothing escapes his unwavering gaze; not even the slightest nuance of your play style goes unnoticed. Before long, Crabby will know what you're going to do before you even do it. And he will use this knowledge to help.

Crabby is able to tell you exactly what's going on and what you should do. His many useful tips will appear in the bottom right corner of your screen, where he hangs out, ever patiently, waiting for you to need his help. Of course, whether you follow his advice or not is entirely up to you; Crabby may possess an advanced level of artificial intelligence, but we're reasonably sure he doesn't have any feelings you could hurt. Reasonably sure. But just in case, the ability to remove Crabby has been disabled for now.

I've Got You Under My Skin

Few things are more fun than plumbing the depths of Azeroth's dungeons with a trusty, unwavering friend at your side. Together with Crabby, your new companion on all your journeys going forward, you can rest assured that no challenge will be beyond your reach.

AbilitiesEdit

  • Improve your Gear!: Crabby can do a quick audit of your gear and tell you where and how you can improve your equipment.
  • Organize Groups!: Crabby is everywhere. At all times. He is omnipresent and omniscient. This lets him find the perfect players for you to group with!
  • Run Raids!: Crabby knows every last detail about every boss and every encounter in the game. Follow his advice and become the perfect raid leader!
  • Solve All Your Problems!: Crabby is a great listener, and a good friend. You can trust him with all your problems, and he will be able to give you excellent advice (as long as your problems are World of Warcraft-related).

MediaEdit

Quotes Edit

  • "Hi! I'm Crabby!"
  • "I want to make your dungeon experience as trouble-free as possible!"
  • "I think we're going to be fast friends!
    I have a good feeling about you."
  • "I noticed you're reading about Crabby. Would you like help learning about Crabby?"
  • "Hey! Where are you going?
    Mind if I tag along?"
    • Not at all!
      "I KNEW we were going to be best pals!"
  • "The homepage of the World of Warcraft community site is full of things to do."
  • "It looks like you're reading more about World of Warcraft; would you like me to make you some waffles while you read? Carrots are good, too. HAHAHAHA."
  • "Looks like your <class>, <name>, is coming along nicely. C'mon pal, <85 minus current level> more levels and you'll be a big boy!"
  • "Looks like your <class>, <name>, is coming along nicely. Level 85! Now you're playing in Crabby's house."
  • "We're even in your new-fangled Tweetspace and Facester social networks! Check it out."
  • "It seems like you're thinking about submitting fan art. Want some help?"
    • Sure!
      "First, draw your subject in an action pose.
      • Next, use your amazing human hands to draw a sword or hammer, preferably in mid-swing.
      • And you're done! Well, maybe. The weapon could be a little bigger."
    • Crabs can draw?
      "I've been known to dabble."
      • But you don't even have hands!
      "What do you think these giant apendages are?"
      • Pincers?
      "Well, yeah. They are pincers. I like to pinch."
      • Crabby, you're wierd.
      "I get that a lot."
      • Tuning forks?
      "Wow, you're right. They DO look like tuning forks.
      ...
      And they can touch everything but themselves."
      • JPG or get the heck out.
      "C'mon, don't put me on the spot like that."
      • Cough it up.
      "Look, I'm very sensitive about my art"
      • You know what else is sensitive? Said crab dancing in a pot of boiling water.
      "Nobody puts Crabby in a corner."
      • C'mon crabby. If it's really good, I'll put it up on the fridge.
      "Alright check it out:"
      Crabby-doodle
  • "So you like to read the forums; me too! Do you have a favorite forum to post in? Maybe check out some other forums as well. Variety is the spice of life!"
  • "It looks like you're reading a forum thread; would you like me to give you a brief summary?"
    • Sure
      "From what I gather, <random poster?> posted some stuff about something interesting. Then <reply count> people said some things in response"
    • ... Oh, alright
  • "I'm selling these fine leather carapaces ... Wait, what's the plural of carapace? Carapae? Carpaceses?"
    • What?
    • No one cares, Crabby.
      "No one covered in meat cares."
  • "Happy Friday! I woke up this morning with this song stuck in my head..."
    • Oh Crabby, no!
      • Oh Crabby, yes!
  • "Did you know you can add your comments to media pages as well? Discuss your favorite screenshots, artwork, and movies with your fellow players!"
  • "Make sure to upvote good, well-written, and constructive posts. Highly upvoted posts will be highlighted and stand out."
  • "Many eons ago, the internet was a series of Bulletin Boards Systems and Usenet newsgroups. Users traded stories shareware, hopes and aspirations and connected with other like-minded individuals until the wee hours of the morning ... or until someone picked up the phone."
  • "Do people still play Saga of the Purple Drakonid? I love that game."
    • I dunno
      "Well they should. Write your local congressman."
    • Maybe
      "That's the spirit. Keep hope alive!"
  • "WoW Remote can be used to access the auction house from your web browser or mobile device! You can become filthy rich from virtually anywhere!"
  • "Our support staff can help you change or recover your password, set up a new account, transfer your characters, report bugs, resolve video card issues, learn about World of Warcraft, keep your account secure, and replace a flat tire."
  • "There are a total of fifteen "Easter Eggs" in the Beginner's Guide. Can you find them all?"
  • "Did you know that the Expanded Universe section contains a complete history of the Warcraft Universe? You should check it out!"
  • "What's your favorite class?
    Mine is ALL OF THEM!
    hehehe!"
  • "Hey, do you want to do some role-play? Let's go to the RP forum, the World's End Tavern!"
  • "Downvote rude or disrespectful posts; if a post receives enough downvotes, it will be hidden. You can help keep the forums civil!"
  • "Would you like wallpapers sized for your revolutionary tablet device?"
    • Yes
      "Oh boy, me too. That would be exquisite."
    • No
      "Oh. That's fine. Let me know when you want to live in the future."
  • "If you want to get to know your World of Warcraft peers and talk shop, check out the official forums. I'd point, but this claw is really heavy."
  • "So many wallpapers, it's hard to choose just one! Which one do you like best?"
  • "Those comics are so funny. Do you have a favorite? I like the one with Arthas in it."
  • "You are so lucky that you have opposable thumbs and can use a cellphone. Curse these pincers!"
  • "Oh man, look at all those screenshots! Wouldn't it be cool to see a shot of your character up there? Submit your screenshots today!"
  • "Did you know that there's a new screenshot of the day every day?"
  • "If you're thinking about starting a new character of a class you haven't played yet, the Classes section provides a good basic overview of each class. You can learn a lot of interesting facts you may not have known about each race in the Races section. Have you checked that one out yet?"
  • "Did you know you can check out other posters' characters on the Armory by clicking on their name?"
  • "Blizzard Employees will never ask you for your password.
    (We're really good at guessing)"
  • "If someone sends you an inappropriate whisper in game, report that player."
  • "Having one little claw and one big claw means you're a boy crab!"
  • "Remember that the other posters here are people, too. Like Plato said, "Be kind; everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." A little kindness can go a long way!"
  • "Players are the life blood of World of Warcraft."
  • "<name> is in the <guild name> guild.
    I wonder if they are recruiting."
  • "If you meet nice players like <name> here, be sure to send them a friend request so that your friendship can blossom."

Notes Edit

  • Crabby also appeared on various pages on the official game site when players visited, conversing with users in messages tailored to fit their names, classes, and guilds (Armory). See quotes section above for a near full listing.
  • Crabby seems to like the music video Tongueout "Friday", a song by Rebecca Black.

External links Edit

News
Info page
Forum posts

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