This is the tale of a small group of friends, and a game called WoW.
(This story is a work of fiction based on true events, it is designed for humour and not to insult, so please, take it with a grain of salt)
One man in a small country town in Australia decided one day, that he'd like to try World of Warcraft, so he downloaded the client and set off on his Azerothian adventure, Of course back then he was naive enough to be playing an Alliance character on another unimportant server.
He strangely enough met a young lady at a Hardcore concert in 2007, whom he then introduced to his friends, well one friend particularly, who enjoyed this young ladies company so much that he courted her. It was then that the small band of men that were this young lads friends headed out to Khadgar, where this young lass had resided for many months already. They rolled Horde toons and started out on their merry way.
These chaps; Drewgan, Norpsent, Durkar and Akbnae began down a long and winding road with Norpsent's now partner Evicene, (who was much older than he might I add, being level 64 to his noobness).
Drewgan and Norpsent were quickly accepted into Evicene's current guild; "Frostwolf" (As by that stage Akbnae had moved onto new horizons, ie. Girls, and Durkar was MIA for reasons I will not disclose, mainly as I cannot recall his whereabouts at this time). Frostwolf was governed by the questionable "Toutatis", It was there that they were introduced to the renowned mage Riky, and his childish antics of tom foolery and mockery.
The friends were instantly intruiged by this strange character and instantly sought his friendship, which after many trials, they gained.
It was also in Frostwolf where they met Lestar and Squall, Long standing friends who travelled from guild to guild with them.
Sodium and Prey Harder
It was about this time when Evicene (Now level 70) decided that she wanted to move onto a different playing field; one where she got raid spots! So she left to join "Sodium", a guild run by her former love "Viles the Moody" (Title not official).
Toutatis in a rage over having one of his only female members leave; without reason, exiled Drewgan and Norpsent from the ranks of Frostwolf. Norpsent was instantly welcomed into the open arms of Sodium, but poor Drewgan was left in the cold.
He adventured on his own for a while, rejecting offers from renowned guilds like Kesmai Mafia as he longed to be beside his friends side once more.
Enraged by this disgusting behavior and mistreatment of his new apprentices, Lestar slammed his mug of mead onto the table, through his pie in Toutatis' face and stormed out of the Frostwolf Dining hall! He then followed Evicene to Sodium where he awaited the inevitable return of his proteges Drewgan and Norpsent!
In the spirit of this show of power and morales, Norpsent took to mailing Toutatis various deserts, the parcels addressed to "Toutatis' Face, Frostwolf Dining Hall", I believe he devoured the first few cakes but Norpsent's will proved too strong, Toutatis gave up along with his belt!
Drewgan formed a new guild "Prey Harder", he convinced Norpsent to defect from Sodium. Here they had a few good times with the members, made some new friends, helped out some noobs. It was here where they met Thorgold, a quirky Druid, with a sick sense of humor.
Prey harder inevitably fell apart (It was being run by a low level mage), as Norpsent returned to his beloved Evicene in Sodium, and Drewgan again longed to be reunited with his friend.
His wish was soon granted when he was eventually invited to join the ranks of Sodium, where he was greeted once again by his friends Norpsent, Evicene and Riky (Who had by this time defected to sodium), as well as a few new faces.
It was soon after this that Drewgan decided to retire his Mage staff for good and at a young lvl 43 he said goodbye to the world of warcraft.
The Rise of Dresan
A while later a strange figure appeared on the horizon, a priest named Dresan. He followed Norpsent for days on end, standing just out of sight so as to not arouse suspicion. Dresan eventually weasled his way into sodium where he enlisted the help of Durkar (Who had rejoined the world by this stage) to help him on several missions. It was not until Drewgan visited Norpsent's residence, where Durkar was also visiting, where he revealed that it was infact he who was Dresan, Drewgan was reborn into the powerful Dresan!
Norpsent (Now level 70) instantly began to urge Dresan to also grow strong; He and Riky Cheered Dresan on as he fought bravely against dragon, murloc and Norpsent's baby brother Illumous, to gain wealth, fame and nerdness!
Dresan hit level 70 and was instantly recruited into one of sodium's Karazhan raids.. let's just say it didn't go well. By this stage Sodium had conquered the temple of Karazhan, well at least upto the curator of the karazhan library. The raid ended with shattered spirits and high repair bills.
Sodium's leader Viles, at this stage, was beginning to stir and was suffering strange mood swings, he went from Mean to Jerk as fast as you could say supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, and believe me, the sound of it WAS something quite atrocious.
Sodium began breaking apart, its members deserting left and right, when Riky, Evicene and Doomraki (A Close Friend of Norpsent and Drewgan, who was at this stage Dating Evicene, Norpsent and her had a falling out but I will not go into that here) announced their plan for a new guild, a better guild, one built on friendship and one without DKP!
It was here that Union was born, Friends from far and near all flocked to this new guild, which seemed like a haven for like minded people, and again proved not to be effective. This guild also collapsed and the members were cast into the streets or Orgrimmar to find new horizons. Some joined the now well know Frostwolf clan, while others joined the ranks of Shadow Borgir.
It was then that Dresan and his comrades banded together once again under a new flag, that of The Tribunal! A new guild, a better guild, one built on friendship, one with a strange sense of Deja-vu. This guild proved to be more successful than the last, drawing oceanic adventurers from far and near, under the new lead of Dresan. It was in this guild that all the members who knew each other out of game, came together in game to vanquish friend and foe, ok maybe not friend.. ok maybe some friend.
Dresan, Norpsent, Durkar, Lookovathere, Reneetala, Akbnae, Riky, Lestar and Thorgold were now unseperable, trust me they tried but always ended up back in the same guild.
It was under this name that most members had their first full Karazhan clear. As well as their first full Gruul's Lair wipe.
This was arguably the most successful Oceanic guild Khadgar had ever seen, causing its rivals "Frostwolf" to migrate to a new server as it was rapidly losing members to the Tribunal
The Fall Of The Tribunal
After months of success, Dresan once again decided enough was enough, and he'd hung up his WoW hat once again, leaving control of The Tribunal to his close friend Norpsent. Things were progressing in the Tribunal, but they were progressing badly. The guild eventually packed up and disbanded.
It's members joined the newly reformed Orgrimmar Outcasts, or Migrated to a different server to rejoin Frostwolf.
Dresan once again rejoined the world to find things pretty much as he left them, except Norpsent had split and was now a twin to a level 70 paladin named Norp, Doomraki was no longer the bumbling noob that was left behind and now quite knowledgable in the workings of the world and one of Aurii's (Orgimmar Outcasts Guild Leader) right hand men; and now he had to open some portal to the sunwell.
Durkar soon realised that his dream of being a Warrior with awesome strength and speed as well as being able to deliver incredible amounts of damage was just not happening, Unless he wanted to strap on the plate and take a beating from raid bosses he had to change career path's. Thus Durky was born, A warlock destined to take the place of Durkar, Closely followed by his shaman henchman Datotems, Durky began the hard climb to the top.
It was around this stage that Norpsent the mage was laid to rest, and Norp the Paladin took full reign. The DPS lifestyle became a bore and tanking was too good a career path to let go untouched.
Until Death Do Us Part - Birth
Soon after this, Doomraki and Disciplined (the reborn Lookovathere), decided they wanted to shed the shackles of oppression that was the traditional guild structure and began "Until Death Do Us Part", Not a guild but a gathering of close friends. No schedules, no DKP, just friendly banter and general sillyness.
Doomraki, Disciplined, Norpsent, Dresan, Evicene, Thorgold, Lestar, Barisharte, and Rupiji, All long standing friends, all reunited to battle the forces of good, and evil-er than they are.
The friends fought there way through the temple of Karazhan, Gruul's Lair, The Temple of Zul-Aman, Magtheridon's Lair as well as other less famous dugeons like "Gruul's Summerhouse" and "The Temple of Atal-Matal-Hakkar-Makkar-Aman-Theridon-Super-Cali-Fragilistic-Expiali-Docious" home to the singing trolls of the strange "Marypoppins Tribe".
Then the world of warcraft was changed forever, I am of course talking about the scourge invasion and the awakening of the Lich King!
Riky was enthralled by the Lich Kings will and was converted into the evil death knight Leukos! Luckily his friends held an intervention, they sat him down and offered him moral support, and cookies.. enough so that Leukos broke free of the Lich Kings thrall and once again marched under the banner of "Until Death Do Us Part" which in the case of Leukos, didn't actually stop him.
Along with Leukos, the members of Until Death Do Us Part enlisted Arthas' three other high ranking officers, Purros, Melas and Khloros. (The Four horsemen of the Apocalypse).
This Band of Friends have now journeyed to the frozen wastes of Northrend to face off against Arthas and his legions, for now Azeroth has been threatened, and Until Death Do Us Part are there to defend our homeland from yet another threat, (After Outlands you'd think things couldn't get much worse!)
We reach the end of our tale, for now. As our heroes do battle once again. We march onward to battle under our slightly effeminate banner chanting our battle cry, "Who you gunna call!? GHOST BUSTERS! Do do doo do doo do.. nininini do doo!"
It was a cold night in Deathknell, the wind whispered through the trees and the shadows moved as if they were alive. In the graveyard on the hill, something was stirring. Candles could be seen flickering from a mile away. Four forsaken priests stand around the grave of Lestar Something or other. Hooligans from Stormwind city had vandalized most of the graves and Lestar's last name was now unreadable under the spray paint which now sportingly says Lestar McFester.
The priests chant and walk around in a circle holding the candles outstretched. Lightning crackles in the sky and it begins to cloud over. All of a sudden one of the priests steps a little far and trips on a dismembered leg, possibly left behind by the last team who tried to awaken Lester from his slumber and failed. The priest fell forward, letting go of his candle to brace himself as he fell, the candle landing in the hood of the chanter in front.
He quickly burst into flame and began to scream, running around like a headless turkey. Apparently this disturbed the magic being used to awaken the corpse, no idea why though? All of a sudden lightning struck the ground where the body was buried sending the priests flying into opposite corners of the cemetery. The earth began to stir, a hand sprung up through the dirt. One of the awakening party ran back to assist the newly undead in clambering from his grave.
"Lestar?" One of the forsaken asked.
"Yes" replied the corpse in an odd voice
"Lestar the great Warlock?"
"Define great? I can like turn eggs into rocks, or like turn rocks into rocks"
"Well the forsaken legion is getting desperate, I suppose you'll have to do"
Lester was now on his feet and getting instruction from the leader of these parts, he was instructed to kill zombies, collect this, kill that, suck on this, bend over that, until he was allowed to venture out into the wide world that is Azeroth.
Lester was traversing the winding canals and tunnels of Undercity when he came across a strange man. He was old, frail and seemed to be wearing some kind of dress. He was sitting against the wall with a sign perched against a stuffed cat reading "Warlock Lessons, 5 Girly Giggles".
"Girly Giggles?" Lestar asked. The old man seemed unphased as if he were asleep. Lestar began to walk away, bored by the lack of response from the man.
"Yes.. Girly Giggles, I have no use for gold or silver, I just want to hear young laughter again" The old man had spoken as Lestar was leaving. Lestar immediately turned around and looked at the old man. "Are you interested in lessons?" The man asked.
"Not from someone in a dress" the young warlock replied.
"It's not a dress, it's a robe! And it's standard Warlock attire, You'd best be learning this if you are ever to gain skills as vast as mine"
"It still looks like a dress"
The old man stood up, furious, his eyes boiled red and his frail muscles flexed. He whipped his cloak around his body and when it fell back into place, A powerful warlock was revealed, tall, dark, still wearing a dress.
"DON'T THINK YOU CAN MAKE A FOOL OF ME AND GET AWAY WITH IT!" the now foreboding warlock said in a deep booming voice.
"SOMEONE LIKE YOU COULD NEVER ATTAIN THE POWER I HAVE!"
Lester was so shocked by this awesome display of power he began to quiver and cry, but since he had no tear ducts and his head was mostly hollow it sounded more like odd laughter.
"Wait, was that a Girly Giggle!" Asked the warlock
"No..no it was nothing"
"It sounded like a giggle, do it again". Lestar couldn't help but to repeat the noise once again. The large warlock instantly broke down into a loud squeaking giggle.
"Eeh hehehe, Do it again!", Lestar complied.
"Ok son, My name is Gley, from now on I will be your tutor, follow me, I'll introduce you to the rest of the gang"
Gley led Lestar off into the distance.
"I don't have to wear a dress do I?" could be heard as they walked away.
Gley took Lestar to Orgrimmar, Main city of the Horde, and took him into a rather large building, the sign above the door read "Frostwolf" and the coat of arms on the door showed a blue shield with a white paw print.
Upon entering Lestar was overwhelmed with awe as he stared into a large hall full of trophies and war relics.
Drewgan and Norpsent go to Scarlet Monastery
One day while sitting around the Frostwolf dining table, Norpsent and Drewgan, Two young undead mages were enjoying their mead and mutton, though Norpsent was having trouble eating with his detached jaw which swung so gracefully off his rotting chin. They were approached by a shady figure, A warlock named Lestar, who's voice was strangely familiar to Herbert, the pedophile from family guy.
"I have been watching you two from the shadows and I think you have great potential!" Was what the mages were told, they looked at each other in shock, well at least Drewgan looked as if he was in shock, Norpsent had no eyeballs so it was hard to tell. "I'd like to take the two of you under my wing as my apprentices, You will follow me around observing and learning"
Since Drewgan and Norpsent had nothing better to do they gracefully accepted, though slightly weirded out by the odd warlock. It was then that a striking Blood Elf ventured over to the table. "Are you scaring the noobs again Lestar" he asked, "N..No my brother," the warlock replied, "You know me Squall, just trying to lend a helping hand" From the looks of things either Lestar was Squall's brother, killed in battle and resurrected by Lady Sylvanas, or their father had an off taste in bed partners.
The Four of them talked merrily over desert (Chocolate coated gnomes) and decided that there was no better way to teach young adventurers then to dive head first into danger. So that's what happened.
The brothers took Drewgan and Norpsent under there wing as they ventured into the dreaded Scarlet Monastery, At this stage our adventurers were youn and naive, and had no idea about the cult that was the Scarlet Crusade and the inner cloisters of their monastery.
After many hours of battle, the team reached the heart of the monastary; The Chapel. Instructed to wait in the fountain while Squall ran into the centre of the chapel and shouted "Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!", which of course instantly aggroed most of the scarlet disciples and various other cult members (If I recall, the hamster population was also disgusted by this and instantly packed up and moved to Shadow Fang Keep; where they were inevitably eaten by werewolves, they really should have known!).
It was at this time that Squall thought it funny to run the Scarlet Crusaders out to the fountain and Feign Death, leaving the two mages to try and fight off the elite mob of annoyed scarlet cult followers. They instantly turned and ran, after hitting the edge of the fountain their feet flailed in the air, reminiscent of the classic Scooby Doo cartoons. Unfortunately they were unable to run very far before being flanked by the enraged crusaders (Possibly because they spent a good 20 seconds floating in the air running to no avail), and then reslaughtered, as they were already undead.
Once Squall and Lester were done laughing at their fallen comrades; they decided to do this properly, the spirits of Drewgan and Norpsent had by this time re inhabited their old bodies. Squall and Lester charged head first into the chapel, while the mages splashed in the fountain and cleaned Norpsent's half attached jaw of the hamster droppings.
Soon the battle was over and the spoils were divided between them; of course Squall had decided he wanted some of the items for himself and ran around shouting "Look! Bet one of you would have liked this funky hat!", of course he was wrong, honestly would would wear such a gastly head piece.
(Later Drewgan revisited the monastery and claimed his own hat, he still wears it to this day)
Onyxia vs. 3
While most of the world was fighting off the new threats in Northrend, someone had to stay behind and keep things at bay! Leukos, The Paladin Lightsworn and Dresan took it upon themselves to ensure that the great dragon Onyxia would never be let loose upon Azeroth.
The three adventurers met at the looming entrance to Onyxia's lair, not knowing what to expect, Ok so Dresan was running late and met them inside but we'll ignore that fact.
Leukos and Lightsworn battled bravely, slaughtering Dragonkin and Welps as they delved into the depths of the lair. After what seemed like hours Dresan caught up with them wearing his "Clone Wars" T-Shirt, insisting that he had infact been protecting azeroth from the threat in Northrend and not marathoning all 7 Star Wars Films for the past 12 hours.
The trio stared down at Onyxia, the large Black dragon slept, smoke rising from it's nose. Lightsworn snuck over to the beast, and began poking its nostril with a stick he'd procured from his pack. Luckily the dragon did not stir. Lightsworn raised his arms in joy! Onyxia's sensitive nose began to twitch. Lightsworn's body odour was so foul that it actually woke up the dragon who didn't budge when prodded in the nose.
That's when things went bad! Lightsworn backed up and insisted that Leukos face the beast head on. The dimwitted orc decided that this would be a good idea. He charged in like an honorable and soon dead warrior would.
It took less than 2 minutes for Dresan to become exhausted and not be able to cast spells anymore, completely unrelated to 12 hours of Sci-Fi and 23 boxes of maltesers. When a caster runs out of mana, they tend to panic, which is exactly what Dresan did! He took to throwing Rocks at the large dragon, who at that time was busy covering Leukos with a slimy goo. Onyxia had tried to breathe flames but instead coughed up a ball of phlegm the size of a gnome.
One of Dresan's rocks ricocheted off Onyxia's shiny scales and struck Lightsworn between the eyes, knocking him instantly unconcious. Without heals, things went from bad to worse, Dresan's rocks proved ineffective and Leukos was useless against the now airborne dragon, so he decided that dancing was the preffered option to taunt her back to the ground.
It was then that the welps began to flood the room, thousands of dragon babies fluttering everywhere, and since Dresan was a diagnosed Ornithophobic, he wasn't coping well. He immediately fainted leaving Leukos to drag Lightsworn and Dresan's limp bodies out of harm's way when he collapsed from exhaustion.
When Dresan finally stirred from his wing enduced coma, Leukos and Lightsworn were already up and about having a tea party, why Lightsworn decided to bring a tea set and not extra Mana potions is still undetermined.
After a pleasant dose of Tea and Mana Buscuits the three were once again looking down upon the dragon, who had gotten so bored of waiting for the three that she had drifted off to sleep again.
Lightsworn immediately began to babble and gossip like a little school girl, apparantly before he was a little nervous and untalkative, but now he'd relaxed he couldn't be silenced. "Did you see that thing where she like threw fire out of her mouth, how awesome was that, and when she farted fire from her butt.. that was wicked, and when those babi.. uh oh!" Onyxia was apparantly awakened by the chatter and was now looking at Lighsworn the way a teacher looks at a talkative child. If she could have I'm sure she would have sent him to the principal's office.
Round two had begun.
Leukos again rushed in and began to dance to taunt the beast off of the shocked paladin. From then on it was all guns out. Leukos took down baby dragons faster that Toutatis ate cupcakes, Dresan was full shadow power on the giant dragon, this time watching his mana (He'd since recovered from the malteser induced lack of energy) and Lightsworn, after he stopped screaming like a girl, was healing the party and not letting them feel any fatigue, which was an odd sensation, your body begins to tingle like you've been hitting your head against a wall for about thirty minutes and had suddenly spun in circles so you were dizzy.
Onyxia rose higher and higher into the air, trying to get away from the band of fighters, she was so tired and damaged that she'd forgotten that she was in a cave. She hit her head hard on the cave roof, causing stalagtites to fall and impale several remaining welps. This was the warriors time to strike.
They went full force, Leukos swung his axe furiously, Lightsworn started glowing and sprouted some wings, I'm still not sure what happened there, And Dresan was channeling shadow energy into the dragon so fast you'd think he was MTV!
The dragon was grounded, unable to fly from exhaustion. The Death Knight delivered the final blow, A spiked boot to the eye and an axe through the skull.
It was over.
The trio looked down at the achievment that used to take 40 men and thought about how times had changed. (Coughnerfcough)Dresan wondered how Onyxia managed to keep being revived after being slain so many times.
Dresan and Lightsworn sat as Leukos cut open the dragon's stomach to reveal the riches inside, apparantly Onyxia had recently swallowed some armor, gold and a bag which looks like it was made from her own scales. Work that one out! Luckily most of this treasure was untouched by digestive juices.
Leukos removed the dragon's head from it's body and performed the traditional Rex Hunt kiss! He handed the head to Dresan who had called dibs on the slimy bag and was the only one who had space to fit a one metre long head in it.
After a long walk back, to the camp where they caught a convenient wyvern back to Orgrimmar. Dresan delivered the severed head to Thrall, warchief of the Orc's. It is rumoured that his exact words were "What am I gunna do with a dragon's head, Go stick it on that big pole in the main square so the buzzards can pick at it!"
Dresan delivered the head to the main square singing "We are the champions!" as he walked. Most of the city gave him odd looks, though crazy bob enjoyed the performance. He climbed the pole and skewered the head onto it.
Leukos, Lightsworn and Dresan will now forever be known as those crazy men who tried to take down the great dragon with a party of three, and actually suceeded.
Main articles by Dresan, with input from Lestar.