People in your Raid
From WoWWiki
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These are the People in your Raid.
The Raid —
You raid with these people. You work with these people. These people are closer than your family. You should worry.
- Note: Overlaps WILL occur with these groups, and there may be more than one of the same category. Count your lucky stars or swear profusely depending on what you have.
Leaders/Officers
The GM
He’s sacrificed his health, friends, and probably a couple of jobs to drag you through new content. When the guild isn’t performing, these decisions are in question. Prone to shooting sprees, forum flame wars, and the rapid advancement/gearing of whatever toon the guild “needs”. If you can keep your mouth shut, he’ll go emo and quit before you get gkicked. Still, you do like the guy. Or did. Before he went crazy. See drunks, below.
The GM's Significant Other
Okay, so he was going to have to quit but he tricked his SO into playing. She loves it. She's terrible. You'll effectively 24 man every boss. Count on 4 constructs in the raid, every attempt. She plays a Blood Elf or Night Elf.
The Heir Apparent
When the GM goes psycho, ninjas the bank, and gdisbands, you're the guy the guild is gonna look to to fix the mess. You see it coming. You can't decide if ritual suicide or being the new gm would be more painful.
The Raid Leader
When you stand in the flames, he dies a little bit inside.
The Positive Officer
“That was great. Just great. You know, only 5% of guilds have even made it to Supremus, and getting him down to 67% on the second attempt is hawt.” See Stoners, below.
The Negative Officer
“Jesus Christ why are there corpses under all these goddamn volcanoes? It’s Supremus for %@*@s’s sake. GET OUT OF THE GODDAMN FLAME!” See drunks, below.
The Healing Officer
Has this job because, as the newest officer who plays a healer, he’s stuck with it.
The Hunter Class Lead
Will tell you that it does actually require skill and preparation to play a hunter well in the end game. Lies frequently.
Metermaid
He's got meters running. Always. Asks for meter postage whenever he's in the top 5, which is rare, as his focus on the meters is preventing him from seeing the volcano he's pathing towards. Pulls aggro. Has yet to realize that 0 health returns 0 dps. If he's healing, you might as well just put him on raid, he's gonna heal them anyway.
Stratman
Has read every strategy on the entire internet for every boss. Unable to think critically. Knows where his talk key is. Hated by the officers. Likely to play a hunter or mage. If this is also Chick With Accent, below, guild will probably collapse.
H4XXman
Is aware of the minor exploit that would provide the edge you need for victory, if only you would listen to him. Never mind that the exploit was fixed five patches ago, H4XXman's friend just used it last week. After each wipe, H4XXman will break the cold silence in Ventrilo with, "I'm telling you guys, if we hop onto the ledge, the adds will bug."
The Gay Guy
Affects the gay accent for effect. Upgrade decisions tend to involve lengthy discussions about gear appearance. Learned to use the dressing room function before the ‘v’key. Occasionally passes on gear due to the appearance. May frequently mention their "roomie" or "friend" as a subtle way of talking about their boyfriend without the more homophobic guildies getting offended. Is a favorite of the female officer, usually the GM's SO.
The Happy Couple
Exchange cute comments in guild chat, despite sitting five feet away from eachother in their living room. The Happy Couple will mercilessly double-team unsuspecting victims during guild disputes. If the raid leader raises an issue with the performance of Mrs. Priest, Mr. Hunter will make his presence known in defense of his lover.
The Miserable Couple
Speak to each other in-game more often than in real life. Have attended more raids together than dinner dates.
The sound of children not being attended to is audible in Ventrilo.
The Attractive Female
Manufactures 1000ish DPS night after night, yet is an unshakable fixture on your raid's roster. You're secretly bitter about this. Almost undoubtedly an Elf, though she may be a curvaceous draenei or possibly a Forsaken.
She's so terrible and vain and thinks she's so great and... Oh, man she has such a cute voice in Vent! Oh, wait, she just made an inside joke in guild chat, let me make it clear how funny I thought it was. I wonder if she'd give me her Facebook?
BRB, I'm going to look at the picture she posted on the forums for the fourth time this week.
The Stay At Home Mom
She’s around children all day and craves adult conversation. Babbles incessantly in vent, forgetting that adult conversation doesn’t usually begin with, “So I was talking to (insert name of four-year-old child) and he says…” Well liked, but frequently muted.
Mr. Mikeless
Has a microphone, though claims not to, he hears the conversation and directions. Once wiped the raid because he started talking and most folks alt-tabbed to see who the hell was speaking. May be your best player.
Mr. MC
If there is a monster or boss that can mindcontrol people, he is always the one who gets picked and then goes after a clothie. It has gotten to the point that people have put together macro's to automatically target and CC the guy. Sometimes, it gets sooo bad that the group will just kill the poor guy and be done with it.
The Unconcious
Often a member of the Stoners or Drunks, possibly even the accountant still trying to play despite 16-hour workdays. Usually plays a DPS class involving spamming 1 spell/action. Almost never in the top 10 in DPS so no one notices that he's still in the boss room that was cleared 45 minutes ago.
The Instigator
This person lives to bring down once happy guilds through well timed whispers and in game mail. No insult, real or imaginary goes unnoticed and he is more than willing to explain just what what was said about you or another player in great detail just in case you missed it. This guy usually has some sort of master plan to bring down the guild leader and his officers or wants you to quit the guild and join his guild, the one he plans to make. You might as well join his guild right? Since everyone in your current guild hates you, at least that what The Instigator would have you believe.
The Bouncer
Definitely not a stoner or drunk....but he's on something. Is constantly hopping around. 6 hours and he's still bouncing. Has been known to bounce off a ledge/pathway or into mobs on occasion. Often a top 3 DPSer and resident vent comedian.
The Douche
He knows his class, knows the game, and always shows up to raids, but is generally unpleasant and often rubs his guildmates the wrong way. If you ask him to do something he doesn't want to do (heal as a priest/drood/shammy/pally instead of DPS, tank as a warrior instead of DPS, kite as a hunter instead of... DPS) he'll do it, but he'll complain endlessly the entire time and opt out the first chance he gets. He'll bid on minor upgrades even when someone else could use it more, but hey, he's got the DKP, and the raid doesn't want to lose him because he's a good player.
The Homophobe
At every miss pull, wipe, rebuff, OOM, wait at a summon, he will proclaim that this is Gay, that every other class with every other spec other than his is gay. Laughs at other peoples gear and calls it gay. Uses the word gay in almost very sentence he spouts forth. Plays a hunter, rogue, or a ret pally and is normally "The Kid"
The Lolbot
No matter what this guy does wrong will just respond with "LOL" Followed by some almost unreadable sentence saying how it was you fault and you need to learn your class better. E.G "l2ply nub, if u wer a gud tnk u wuldn't luse agro" or "LoL nub u shuld l2ply rougs do dps lots, uz moar taunts" Play's a Rogue or Hunter
The One-Hit Wonder
Can be any class, but most often a dps. Displays average raid performance-sometimes above, sometimes below, generally tending towards the latter, until one night he completely wtfpwns the healing/dps meter and merits a point of note on the guild website's news column. The raid is baffled, as is the player himself-often, he does not even realize what he did until he hears the officers yelling WTF (sometimes literally) on vent. Frequently invited to future raids in hopes of repeating his performance, but he returns to the sink of mediocrity once more. Generally a well-meaning player who tries his best every night, but he's as baffled as you are by his stellar one-night show.
The Lootwhore
The guy that always gets excited when something new drops and will often link what the boss, the raid is currently on, drops. Lives by a "get loot fast" rule. Unlikely to pass small upgrades. Usually manages to miss the very best items because he is always at -dkp. May be closely related to the kid. See also The Beggar.
The Kid
So, you messed up on this guy’s interview and nobody noticed that he was 12. But, he can play or at least usually. His playing time is unpredictable getting grounded by his parents at least twice a month but he can play. Will often pulls many mobs and defeat them all. Nearly always dps.
The Friend of the Kid
Applies for guild two weeks after The Kid gets in, including that The Kid is a longtime member that recommends him. Goes berzerk about any purple linked in guild chat, heaven help you if an orange shows up, regardless if his class can use it or not. Unfortunately, unlike The Kid, he cannot PvE for a damn.
The Kid's Little Brother
Shares much of The Kid's talent. Sometimes is better than him, although is probably two or three years younger than him. He doesn't understand much and if he dies will begin an argument with The Kid. May result in wipes.
The Other kid
Remember that accountant you interviewed for the fury warrior position? And how you wondered how he’d make time to raid during tax season? He couldn’t. His eleven year old daughter took over about that time. She’s been raiding since. Mages, that’s an eleven year-old girl owning you night after night.
The Lying Kid
This guy claims to be 25, despite his squeaky voice on vent (if he ever actually talks on vent), and the fact that he's an LOLWUTter. His gear is decent, save for some level 36 ring or trinket he's wearing. Likely an Elf, though he may be a Tauren or a Gnome. Oftentimes a Rogue or a Hunter.
The Backbone
Plays a tank. Doesn't have much to say. Made an error once in SSC, or so you heard. Will disconnect when Gorefiend is at 30% and keep aggro while offline for the rest of the fight. Has never said anything negative to the healers. Ever. GL with your progression without one of these. Hates the prima donnas.
The Player Who Doesn't Do His Homework
Always good for insightful commentary and clever observation just after a wipe. "Holy Crap Man! I was just standing and shooting and this damn VOLCANO popped on me! When did they put in those volcanoes?"
Mr. We're Not Gonna Do It
The player that says we can't do it after four attempts. Each attempt got you 15% closer to winning, but each attempt got Mr. Glass Half-Empty 15 decibels louder in voicing their discontent of repair bills and how impossible the encounter is without certain gear/raid make-up. Can sometimes be confused with being an Elitist. See also The Lootwhore.
The Prophet
Kept insisting that you were going to need a melee group for BT, despite the fact that melee was dreadful for SSC/BT. Badgered the management until they broke. Plays a rogue. Shreds. Loved by the most devout.
The Most Devout
This is the guy who gets to play an off-spec in a big-boy raid. He's the Disc Priest or the enhance shammy. He cannot believe that some fate is letting him have this much fun that he's afraid it will all come crashing down. Prays devoutly to his favorite deity that the guild won't collapse because he'll never have THIS much fun again. Ever.
The Drunks
The core of your guild. As raid progresses, their voices in vent are getting just ever so slightly slurred. You don’t notice because you’re trying to sound sober yourself. DPS output seems to scale positively with blood alcohol content.
The Lightweight
This person likes alcohol, and tries one day to be like The Drunks. This person, however, cannot hold their liquor if their life depended on it. One beer or one shot will get them loopy. Then comes the fun, i.e. DPSing sheep, dropping big heals on people who don't need them, or other bad performances. Will probably have to log before the second or third boss because they're too drunk to go on, and are making too many mistakes anyway. This will probably result in the raid falling apart due to the Lightweight's prominence as an uber-healer or uber-DPSer. Not a tank.
The Stoners
Quietly wiping raids since the beta. They really, really, really hate having to move out of the fire. Almost always die at the Safety Dance or Frogger [1] in Naxxramas. Two of them are dead under the volcanoes. They live in fear of the negative officer. They have their own channel. Try /join (insertguildname)stoners. You’ll see who’s in there. It’ll explain a lot. Still, if these guys don't show, bosses don't seem to actually die. They’re also having more fun than everyone else combined.
The Traitor Stoner
Was at one point a prominent Stoner, until they had to get a real job, or had a baby, ran out of drug-cash, or made a New Year's Resolution. They are secretly bitter about this, and are jealous of the other Stoners buzz. As a result, s/he may feed one or two Stoners whispers, resulting in much hilarity (and many headaches for the Raid Leaders). Normally well behaved and competent, but may not let go of grudges easily. Good luck if this guy is also the Lootwhore.
The Prima Donna
Requires special attention from management. Constantly whining. Plays some vital role. Might be a main tank, mage tank, or lock tank. The officers really hate this guy and as soon as they can find another tank with 46,000 buffed HP, he’s out. Not a stoner.
Mr. Quiet Contempt
Has two modes, neutral and disappointed. Always wants to continue, never complains when raid is ended. You're never progressing fast enough for this guy, and if asked, he generalizes about not expecting 100% from everyone. Deeply hateful person who plays for better gear, but couldnt say why
The Chick with the Accent
Is the accent fake? Nobody knows or cares. Future visits to Australia/Britain/New Zealand/Alabama are now planned by all single raid members.
The Healing Pallie
Hates healing and had to go holy to see endgame. If you raid with a boomkin, a feral druid, a fury warrior, a shadow priest, or any non-resto shaman, you are not getting a 10 minute blessing. Forget it. He hates you. God help you if he has a raid-viable alt in one of those classes; you're not even getting heals. Also, see Prima Donna.
The Easily Distracted Healer
He's been with the guild for as long as anyone remembers. He means well and when he's focused he heals well too, but is often the cause of a wipe when his attention is drawn away from the fight. He apologizes profusely but you think he may have forgotten his medication the morning of the raid.
The Cusser
Swears profusely about everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. He'll swear when your group is idle in front of the two beginning giants. This dude can be very funny, especially if he has an accent. He's almost always drunk and will usually tell you he's drunk multiple times.
The Clown
Provides good entertainment for your raid. Does impressions, tells jokes, sings/raps, plays sound clips... you name it, this guy does it over Vent. His main flaw is that he will do this at the worst times, including in the middle of boss fights. This guy can overlap quite easily with The Cusser.
The Guy That Yells Too Damn Loud
Can't ever control his volume in Vent. Good, Bad, whatever the situation is he's probably screaming loudly about it. If he fiddles with his outbound, either you won't hear him at all or your speakers/headphones will !&$%ing explode.
The Bomb
You won't know he's in your raid until he explodes. He may get into a few minor conflicts in the guild/raid but probably won't be suspected of anything. When he's pushed too far, he will wipe the raid outright, or worse, ninja a boss's loot when you're doing FFA. Rarely gets into a different guild/raid.
Mr. 4Chan/Ytmnd/WoW.com Forums
Thinks every internet fad they've ever seen or heard about is the most hilarious thing in the universe, and has to share it with the Raid. He has a massive amount of internet knowledge, has millions of pictures, and can bring up any oft-repeated phrase for hours at a time for no reason. Going from ' no wai ' to ' naga stole my [arcanite reaper] ' to ' [perdition's blade] GOES HERE D: ' golemagg doesn't change facial expressions!, ' he's sometimes funny, but the humor wears thin the 90th time you've said a raid command in /rs and he's /yell'd back, ' O RLY? '
CAPS
Doesn't talk in Vent or Teamspeak-- always in /raidchat, and always in full capital letters. Often times wants attention, but rarely gets it. TALKS LIKE THIS.
Darth Vader
Insists that he has push-to-talk enabled but 5 minutes later... hoh... PAH! hoh... PAH!
Mr Roboto
Has tweaked his mic so he sounds like Optimus Prime or a Pit Lord but swears its just how his cheap mic sounds...most likely the kid, the friend of the kid, or the Accountant.
The Undergeared Slacker
This is the player who, for whatever reason, will only put out 33% of the DPS or healing of any other player with the same role. While not being AFK. This player is also likely to roll or spend DKP on the worst possible items for his/her class or role. You would love to drop him from the raid, but you don't have enough bodies to do so.
Mr Dangerously Daring
This guy likes to ride on the edge. He'll start DPSing before everyone else claiming he won't get aggro. He'll stand ridiculously close to the mobs while the raid is drinking. He likes to stand in odd places during the fight to maximize his range or mechanics. Always blames someone else when something goes wrong (though maybe not publicly.) Whatever he does, it's not what the raid leaders ask, but he'll always assert he knows what he's doing and it's okay. Often Mr. Micless. Usually good at what he does, but will occasionally cross the line and wipe the raid. Leeroy Jenkins is an example of this failing.
The Poor Dude
There's always at least one of him. Never has any gold for repairs or pretty much anything. Always shows up to your raid with broken or damaged gear, usually demanding a repair bot by Magmadar or Vael and then asking for gold for the repair. Seems to either be trying to borrow gold or paying back a debt at all times. Constantly nags the raid leader about letting him hold the Lava Cores for "safekeeping."
The Departed Legend
You joined after he left. You suspect that he could not actually solo Doomwalker, but you're not totally sure.
Roleplaying Legend
You thinks he/she's the greatest fighter alive but is too busy roleplaying to actually fight. They often just sit there until you ask them to do something, then when you look back they will still be sitting there. They will explain that they done it while you weren't looking.
The Messiah
"If only (insert name) was here..." is heard often about this person, if and when they're on you will see them constantly being badgered for requests for help, probably a tank. Will most likely soon become a Departed Legend just so he can get some peace and quiet.
The Disgruntled Raider
Took an unannounced, extended vacation and now has to share his raid spot with the other 11 extra dps. Very angry about this situation. Doesn't realize that ##@#*ing is making things worse. Officers pray for a gquit.
The Escape Artist
Apologizes profusely for having to drop from a raid half way through but he just has to go and he's really, really sorry. Only afterwards do you realize he ****ed off with half the raid's shards and loot.
The Warlock Whisperer
Directionally challenged. Despite having run Karazhan 1.26 million times, will require a summon to Maiden's room from the entrance. Has a "summon pls" macro. Strangely, is good at moving away from volcanoes. See (you guessed it) Stoners.
The Waffleface
This person falls asleep at the keyboard almost every raid. Usually indicated by them running straight into the next pull, or into a wall if combat already started. The raid leader still invites him though because secretly he wants a scapegoat reason to end raids so he can get some sleep too.
Mr. E. Bay
Used to be a regular reliable raider but suddenly stopped playing for a month without warning. When coming back he wants to raid but won’t speak in vent anymore and keeps the wrong spec gear equipped. Will not have a threat meter installed anymore and won’t know how his buffs work. Says LOL a lot.
Alt Mole
This person loves to talk about their main character that is in another more progressed guild (possibly in the other faction) and how your guild doesn’t stand a chance in that level of content. He still expects you to gear him and oddly his performance is decidedly ‘average’.
The Engineer Joker
This is the guy that shows up for every raid with smoke flares. Any time someone comes back from a 3 minute bio there are no less than 60 smoke flares on the ground. It's always a challenge to fight a boss when he's engulfed in green and purple smoke. Seems to think that steam tonks do massive amounts of damage via mines at the feet of mobs. Can't stop talking about grenades and ROFLcopters in vent.
The Eye of Kilrogg Guy
During any break, whether it be a buff break, boss break, afk break, you name it, he will be playing with his eye of kilrogg. Has been known to pull enemies and bosses in this way, wiping the group. Often the only guy left alive after one of these wipes, because he knew what was happening and he got out FAST. Will generally laugh his ass off in vent when this happens. Can be an Eyes of the Beast hunter in certain situations.
The Jumper
Almost certainly bound to a convenient mouse button, this person will spend every possible moment jumping for no particular reason other than his own amusement. Often using the markings on the floor to see how far he jumps, he finds the tiled floor outside Ironforge bank, or the series of steps in the centre of Undercity especially temping. Most commonly afflicted by this condition are bored healers who are just grateful for a reason to look up from their raid bars for a moment.
The Ahole
The guy who constantly tells everyone how bad they suck at the game, have no skill, and is generally abusive to everyone but his core friends. Guild leaders keep the "a hole" because he provides two main benefits: 1. he has a core group of friends (usually the best raiders in the guild because he doesn't talk smack on them) that would /gquit if you kicked him. 2. You typically laugh your ass off at his smack talk as long as you are not the target. Useful for getting /gquits from the guild. Bad because he's an ahole.
The Zerg Puller
Runs through trash like police are at the door and he has to hide the miniature horse dressed in studded black leather in the back bedroom. No icons, no warning, and often with himself at 30% and healers out of mana and he's pulling the next 3 trash mob packs. Only time a break happens is when he goes afk for more booze or passes out during a Single Mom story.
The Over-Analyzer
Even if this person does top damage and dps in the raid, he is convinced he can do better or that the guild could do better. He is nearly impossible to make happy, and frequently is self-absorbed about himself in general. He is generally a really good player, but he is convinced that no matter what, anything could be better then whatever he just did/the raid just did.
The Great Raider
In a raid, this person follows directions; he only needs things explained once; has a firm grasp of the game mechanics (it's not rocket science, after all); he rarely complains; knows how other classes work and how they mesh with other classes.. sometimes better than the people playing that class; will pass on loot if he knows it will benefit the raid for said loot to go to someone else. The problem with The Great Raider? HE REFUSES TO RAID! He's burned out, or he has family responsibilities, or he rather prefers pvp.
The Perv
Takes anything and everything said and twists it into an innuendo, some more subtle than others. His mind resides firmly in the gutter and what few minds weren't there before he spoke create an almost audible splash when they hit it and hit it hard. Source of much entertainment, especially late at night or when drunk, as long as he doesn't carry things too far. Keep away from the Kid and the Other Kid or you may lose them to parental aggro.
The Hungry Dude
Not much to say about this person, except that you better get used to hearing the phrase 'afk a mo guys, gonna grab a snack/drink' during EVERY SINGLE OFF MOMENT. If he doesn't have food, he will go get it immediately after a pull is finished. Most of the time will not do this during pulls, so many people aren't too annoyed by him. The fact that all of his meals take place in front of the computer alludes to some considerable skill and this guy will usually be pretty good.
The Kidney-Killer
Often related to The Hungry Dude. However, rather than eating at the computer or going AFK to get food, this guy has already consumed vast quantities of grub. As such, will have to AFK for bios more than everyone else in the raid put together (even the Drunks). Sometimes wipes a raid just because he had to pee that bad.
The Lazyass
Dies every pull, and every boss, but never runs back and spams the raid chat with "rez plz". Hated by all that can rez, but the Lazyass, most of the time a huntard. A hunter will feign death long before he dies.
The Necromancer
The one rezer that is always the first to run back once a wipe happens, but never rez's anyone but the Lazyass for some inexplicable reason.
The New Guy
Begins most sentences with, "That's not how we did it in my old guild in <insert guild name here>." Likely to remain guilded for approximately one week. You wonder if he'll be telling his next guild, "In my old guild, we ran TOWARDS the volcanoes.
The Backup
He's the guy waiting in the wings for the raid slot. Totally dependable and plays about 200% better than the guy for whom he's filling in. He's got half the gear and puts out 20% more dps. Totally cool, amazingly competent. You love it when the main can't be there.
The Buff-less Wonder
Plays a class with group buffs, but "forgets" to bring the necessary reagents. Highly skilled at turning a deaf ear and blind eye to buff assignments. If reminded, will proceed to slowly buff people one by one until someone else is overwhelmed by frustration and does it for them.
The Loudmouth
This is the guy who will not shut up on vent. Ever. It doesn't matter if you are buffing up or farming trash or killing a progression boss, he just can't seem to get the idea through his head that nobody really gives a damn about his buddy's new iguana. At least 50% of everything said on your vent in a given raid is said by this person. Nobody can stand the guy, but unfortunately, nobody wants to kick him either, because he's invariably one of your best and most dedicated players. Possibly even a solid candidate to be an officer, if everybody weren't so terrified of what might happen if the guy had justification to talk even more.
The Ready-Check Masher
Usually an officer or a leader of some sort. Usually made a raid assist (rarely a raid leader). He needs to know if you're ready. All the time. "Is everyone buffed?" Ready Check. "Does everyone know the fight?" Ready check. "Do we have a soulstone up?" Ready check. "Are you all SURE you know the fight?" Ready check. "Are we ready to engage?" Ready check. "Do the Tanks have their marks?" Ready check. "You all sure you know your positions, right?" Ready check.
Ready check. "Sorry about that, hit it by mistake. But is everyone ready?"
Often the first to die or call a wipe after someone bites it.
Mr. Pick Me! Pick Me!
This guy is online and ready to raid. Always. Need a prot warrior? He's got one. A holy pallie? Check. Problem is, he's really bad. Like bad bad. You keep him in the guild because he's... well, he's always been in the guild. The toon he sucks the least with may even be an Officer. So when your main tank, back up tank, and back up back up tank have vanished Mr. Pick is ready to rock, much to everyone else's horror.
Tootsie
Has a female toon. Claims to be female. Receives many of the benefits that the other females do, people are nice to her; she gets suspiciously good loot. Problem is, she's never posted a picture of herself, and she never talks on Vent. Could she really be a girl? Sure. But who's to know?
The Anti-Tootsie
Also plays a female toon. Unlike the Tootsie, however, he makes no effort to hide the fact that he is male in real life. Often has a very deep voice and will talk in Vent displaying characteristically male behaviors, such as swearing, bossing people around, insulting his guildmates, and bragging about his DPS. Often his justification is that he'd rather stare at a girl for hours on end than a guy (which makes you wonder how often he gets out, or whether he's ever had a girlfriend for that matter). It takes you a while to realize that that macho voice is actually a female toon, at which point you feel a bit of shame inside knowing that that elf you've been oggling is as manly as they come. See drunks, above. Unfortunately, they are likely to be fantastic to the point that you can't get rid of them.
The Dumbest Person On The Planet
No one's quite sure exactly what's wrong with this guy, perhaps human evolution really has come to a standstill. Will be the cause of 60% of your wipes until he gets a /gkick. Tell him to spread out and he'll glue himself to a squishy healer. Tell him to avoid something and he'll stand in it till dead, then complain that he didn't get any heals. Ask him to CC the yellow star and he'll pick the orange circle then claim bleeding wounds debuff on his target. Frequently RL friends with an officer.
The 95% Raider
This guy usually is on his game, though occasionally he will do extraordinarily stupid things that will make you question whether or not he's at his keys. Symptoms include attempting to sap a mob without being stealthed, blinking into Aran's room (causing a wipe), not having Righteous Fury up while tanking, and/or Soulstoning themselves instead of the indicated target. Headache of the The Raid Leader, often a drunk or stoner.
The Obvious Explainer
The guy who has read wowwiki, and probably wrote some of it. He will stop the raid for 15 minutes before each fight to explain to all the new people (of which there are zero) that this guy might shoot fire once in a while, or the hunter adds might shoot arrows at you. He'll warn you that the boss can hit hard, and tell everyone to avoid damage as much as possible. He'll tell the DPS to hit as hard as they can without pulling aggro. He'll remind the healers that they need to keep the tanks alive, and not run out of mana. By the time his explanation of the obvious is over, the spawns have come up behind you and wiped the raid. Strangely, when he's not in the raid you wipe more.
Mister Lucky Bastard
This is the guy who managed to be the only representative of his class that night for whatever reason and THAT'S the night every boss drops his class's loot. Usually followed by a marked dropoff in raid attendance afterwards. Most commonly a Rogue.
The Dead Mage
This spell slinger may or may not be an Undead Mage. Has no idea how to manage aggro and firmly believes that AOE is the solution to every situation. Spends most of the raid face down. The scourge of all healing classes.
The Former Dead Mage
This spell slinger is tired of being dead for most of the fights and spends most of his/her raiding as a passive pet, doing most other duties as buffing and following polymorphing-targets, not to be so easily detected as a slacker. When being yelled at by an officer or raid-leader starts to do some dmg to the target marked as "skull". Is constantly the mage at the bottom of the dmg-meter until the raid gets to a boss. Then starts to dps away. This will put the Former Dead Mage over the tanks on the dmg-meter, but helplessly below the other damage dealers. Tries to make up for this by over-aggroing and dies. Will do even less dps on the trash in the next raid due to this.
The Scary Caster
Plays a mage or a warlock. He rarely speaks. If he's Alliance, he'll be a Human or Draenei. If he's Horde, he'll be a Forsaken. You've never seen him die, and you've never seen him anywhere but the top of the DPS meter, somehow managing to never draw aggro. He's a great player. He also hates you, prima donnas, and possibly the entire guild. Holds onto grudges indefinitely. Will often make seething remarks against melee classes.
The Gnomish Sacrifice
This guy plays a Gnome mage, warlock, or rogue. He plays it really well, but has threat issues. Often enough he forgets to watch the threat meter and pulls aggro. The Raid doesn't wipe, but he sure does. He laughs about it and gets back on with the raid, and has since become a running gag for the guild. The raid now doesn't believe they will do well without his sacrifice early on in the night. If nothing else, he's good to laugh at.
The Koru
A healer in your guild, constantly asleep and missing raids causing your guild to have to PuG some awful healer who is only half as good. When The Koru is finally dragged into a raid he/she will find a way to consistently be killed by nearly harmless things, and sometimes die from the environment alone. Often The Koru will save a wipe at the sacrifice of their own life. The Koru is very much the healer version of The Gnomish Sacrafice
The Loot Switch
The progression fight subtype of the gnomish sacrifice. His/Her death early on is required for the first kill of any given boss. Usually melee dps. Most of the guild is convinced that a boss will not drop until the loot switch is face down.
Wile E. Coyote "Super Genius"
This is the guy who specializes in figuring out new, interesting ways to die. In combat. Out of combat. Trash. Bosses. It doesn't matter. If this person hasn't died in the last 15 minutes something just feels wrong. This is the guy who found the gap in the railing between Shade and the first Netherspite trash-pull. Twice. He can be healed by every class with some capability in the raid, plus a bandage, and still die. The only Paladin you've ever seen pop his own bubble. Sometimes will catch on to his unfortunate position, and make a game out of it, i.e. jumping off Razorscale's cliff. Often an engineer. See also: Loot Switch.
"The" Healer
This person is a good healer. Never lets the tank die. Never drops below 70% mana. Occasionally wipes the raid on farm runs when he gets bored and tries to see how low he can let the tank get before the big heal lands. Likes to see exactly how much of the Tank's HP he can heal in one big crit-heal but doesn't always time things right. See also: The Vindictive Healer.
The Vindictive Healer
Usually one of your better healers. Knows everyone in the guild on a first name basis. Has a sharp tongue at times. If you get the better of him verbally, or annoy him in some way, expect to sweat a bit before you get a heal next time you pull aggro. Can sometimes cause wipes if he's talking to the tank.
The Insatiable Smoker
This character can be recognized by their raspy voice and frequent cough. Must go AFK after every boss fight to puff away. Asks for more frequent breaks and may be unresponsive at unpredictable times.
The Tab-Targetter
This raider is completely incapable of creating an assist macro and fails to recognize the significance of the skull icon. When played by a hunter character expect erratic pet behaviors and prime dps targets to be frozen in blocks of ice.
The Over-confident Rogue
Always runs into trash mobs and attempts to tank with Evasion and Slice n Dice, often making a point to get as much aggro as possible on bosses. Will complain about not getting heals when he dies. Is a major source behind wipes.
The Nostalgic Guy
Long-time member of the guild. Constantly talks about how "they used to do things back in Molten Core". Hardly ever participates in raiding anymore, though the officers refuse to kick him, because, hey, he's cool.
The Elitist
This guy used to be part of the core raiding team of the best guild on the server, but has since been forced to downgrade to you guys because of schedule problems or drama in that guild. Alternatively, he's been with you guys all along and wants to shift to a harder core guild but can't because of said scheduling problems. He's better than all of you, and he knows it, and he's not afraid to say so. Never seen anywhere but the top of DPS/healing meters. Generally makes snide comments at every wipe and argues with other people over strategy. Hates farm raids with a passion and all he wants is to do progress. Nobody admits to like him in public but lots of people suck up to this guy.
The Elitist Wannabe
This guy behaves exactly like the elitist, except he hasn't got the skill to back it up.
The AFK guy
Goes afk at random intervals, commonly before boss fights, oftentimes not notifying the raid, or typing /afk, or just simply alt-tabbed. Is likely a tank or healer. Is a major source of wipes.
The Quote-Unquote Raider
This guy usually feels proud of himself. You see, he's a "raider". When you first talk to the guy, he'll sound pretty competent. He is the cause of a lot of wipes, and he will always form weird excuses, like, the new patch has added a taunt effect to Execute, or that heals have had a new Miss feature. After a full dungeon clear conversations will undoubtedly lead back to him saying "I am so great, I am so great, I can solo so much"... Watch out for the raider...
The Beggar
Often has his mind set on various pieces of gear. If said piece of gear drops, he'll use every excuse in the book to try and get it over everyone else who needs it. Often uses excuses like "It's my birthday." It should be noted that he has about five birthdays a month.
Drama Fiend
Will start drama at every chance they get, oftentimes over not getting into a raid, or not getting a piece of gear they didn't need. If they ARE participating in Raids, they will complain about why they are just a Veteran and not an Officer, often bringing up the injustice of the Guild Leader having two low-level alts as Officers. Often a Hunter, Druid, Death Knight, or Rogue. Also, see Prima Donna.
The Rocker
Oftentimes plays music over Vent from the new CD he just got, especially during boss fights and important pulls. Is in the guild for about two weeks.
Pop Star
Was once told he/she could sing. Now, must share that amazing talent with the world at every opportunity in Vent, even if the rules prohibit it. On rare occasions, may be given a Karaoke channel. It will never be contained to this. See drunks, Prima Donna.
The Token Mexican
The one Mexican guy in the guild. The drunks will often, halfway through the night, begin making increasingly racist cracks. Sticks around to make subtle "stupid white people" jokes.
The Aussie
Usually the only Aussie in the raid and s/he loves to talk constantly on vent...and people like talking to him/her. Usually a pretty good player. It's always good to have an Aussie in the raid; only good things can come from it.
The Snarky Guy
Tends to classify everyone in the raid into a dozen or so arbitrary categories. Generally dislikes people of a different ethnic group, females, people older than him, people younger than him, anyone who doesn't listen to his favorite band, people who've played the game longer than he has, people who talk enough, people who don't talk at all, and pretty much everyone in the raid. Mediocre player at best. Spends most of his time editing humorous pages on wowwiki when he should be paying attention to the fight at hand.
The Newfie
From some distant planet called Newfoundland, it's actually the furthest point east in North America, in Canada. Talks at lightning speed with an accent no one recognizes at first. Other Canadians in the guild will try to offend them by calling them a Newfie, but they'll laugh along with them with out bother. Can't make raids because when it's 9PM where you live it's 12:30 where they are and they have work in the morning. They also have their dailies completed well before you and usually have a stockpile of great trade goods because they're farming before everyone else on the server is awake. In spite of this, they will be unable to run heroics or raids, so their gear will most likely be average. Force help you if they're the Raid Leader but may be the Prima Donna. See also: drunks
The Account Buyer
You are baffled by the fact that this guy has the full tier and PvP set, yet he doesn't seem to know what "Tank" or "Aggro" means. He also is usually around the first to die. The only reason this guy is still in the guild is because he has epix.
The clueless friend sit-in
Same symptoms as The Account Buyer.
The Banker
Usually a veteran player with too much spare time on his hands, often with multiple characters with an array of professions within the Guild. Due to handy trading skills and proper use of professions now has more money to spend on wacky stuff than Donald Trump. If his mammoth could be equipped with a golden saddle he'd have it.
Generally observed by other WoW players with a mixture of envy and admiration. Often a good choice as a person to run the Guildbank, if only because he has more money than the rest of the Guild bank and most of his fellow players combined. Tends to sometimes annoy people by going into a "How the hell can you be that poor?" rant. Not very fond of the Poor Dude for obvious reasons.
Will normally be a mid-to-low DPS, possibly an offtank. His gear will be good since he can afford any and all BOE epics he finds in the AH, and/or he can buy other player's DKP with all his gold, and/or other players owe him favors due to him buying their epic flying/mammoth/gems/enchants/etc. Unfortunately, his focus on the random side of the game will make it so that he raids only once in a while, and his DPS is decidedly average versus any other player with only half the gear. He means well, though his enormous amounts of gold and average performance make it so that he is usually a backup raider.
The Well-Liked PUGer
If a DPSer, Always in the top 20% of DPS, rarely the top. If a healer, keeps the raid alive through heavy AoE. If a tank, will keep aggro. Often just wants one piece of gear, and you feel bad if it doesn't drop. Knows his role in any fight after the first time he does it. Will have to be pushed very hard to express frustration even in a bad run. Will often be part of a failing guild well past the point they stop raiding, because they've "been so good to me", which is why he is PUGing. If he was in your guild, he would be the leader of The Majority, but being a well-liked PUGer, is respected server-wide. Despite being a PUGer, he also will have better gear then most of your core members.
The Majority
Neither Godly nor stupid, neither loud or quiet, neither annoying nor loved. These people will make up the majority of your raid, and watch the soap-opera that is everyone else. Occasionally one will step up and become one of the aforementioned people. They will DPS/heal to an acceptable degree, live through a boss most of the time, and generally not make waves. You will never see a tank of the Majority.
