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This article contains several Ubarlight posts from the official forums. To see his recent posts, search the official forums.
Silly-small

This is a silly article

This article is silly. Coming from a source other than the computer games, trading card game, novels, RPG, or manga, its content is not part of official Warcraft lore, but nevertheless has become part of the culture belonging to the World of Warcraft community.

It will not end so soon! You see, wusses, how the servers fail you? And yet, what's this? Why, it's rays of totally awesome beams of light streaking down on you like infernal meteors in you darkest hour!

Ubarlight shall not be defeated so easily! No amount of login server downage will prevent Ubarlight from returning and spreading his total coolness so that all may be relieved and not fear during the wussy state of the servers.

Ubarlight knows what's wrong with the servers. Not just that they're filled with wusses and Glaneden, but of the deeper corruption, one that started at the dawn of time. And so Ubarlight rides headstrong on his studly steed through fire and rain, and although you never thought you’d see his face again, he returns with swift justice and a bout of totally, totally sweet awesomeness. So onward, studly steed! Towards Blizzard central! Ubarlight will fix what is wrong, since all you wusses can't!

-Sets "I win" button to maximum totally sweetness overdrive-

Ubarlight noticed with his totatlly awesome senses that the wussy server of Blackrock was overloaded, and in a que. Don’t tell me you wusses went there, that’s got to be the most wimpy wussy thing I’ve ever seen. And yet, somehow has a slight edge of totally awesomeness to it. Ubarlight will have to think out this paradox.


Alright you wusses, Ubarlight leaves for a short while to spend time on the shores of the Savage Coast to flex in front of all his lady friends and what happens? Argent Dawn falls apart! Look at you! Wusses! Wussing and arguing over who is the best and which wuss cheated the other wusses out of some wussful victory. You all know better, that Ubarlight is the only true victor here. The more inward fighting you create, the more the minions of wussiness and wimpiness crowd around you, watching down upon you as you point at [each other, waiting eagerly to swoop down upon you like a Harpy upon a young Orc in some dusty chasm. The sooner you get it into your heads, and all point up at Ubarlight, the better you will be, for the waves of Totally Awesome shall scare the wusses away, leaving only those with the potential for Wicked Sweetness behind.

So are you not yet ashamed of your recent actions? Complaining about capping flags and dishonor, hah! You should be complaining about why those other wusses are giving more attention to Ubarlight while you are not. But enough about you, it's time to talk more about Ubarlight.

Ubarlight has continued on his journeys, squashing a many a wuss under his awesome steel plated boots, laughing at them, while still maintaining the capability to flex and hit on nearby passing ladies. Ubarlight has taken on yet two more wussy monsters of Azeroth, those thinking they could take on Ubarlight, yet the failed miserably and their corpses were spammed with laughter. Immol'thar was the first, sitting there all proud and smug in it's shield! Hah! Sucker. For no one can stand up to the awesome might of Ubarlight's shield and IWIN! button. The wuss never stood a chance.

For those wussing to see Ubarlight own Immol'thar. [1]

Next was the new wuss in Silithus. Ubarlight saw his glinty hide from afar, and knew an easy win when he saw one. The beast was simply standing among the stones and sand, simply minding his own business. This would not do! So Ubarlight, being so Totally Awesome, rushed the wimpy behemoth solo, and with a mighty shout that shook the cliffs of Um'Goro and frazzled any number of sleeping Kobold's whiskers, sent the beast collasping to the ground, in panic!

For those wishing to see Ubarlight yell mightily at one wuss of an Emissary. [2]

Ubarlight has grown tired of the current leadership in Azeroth. So he stormed the keep and took the little wuss king on! That old wimp Fordragon tried to stand in Ubarlight's way, but with a magnificant wave of Ubarlight's ultra refined hair, Fordragon knew he was no match. Ubarlight is now the true leader of Stormwind, and if anyone gives him any gruff, they're going to find the true meaning of owned.

For those wishing to see the "king" of Stormwind bowing to Ubarlight. [3]

First order of King Ubarlight: To train those wussy Horde. Look at them, thinking they're all safe in their new homeland. Yea, they may say they're avoiding the battlefields because of the unfairness, but they all know deep down inside, that they're hiding fom Ubarlight. Well now Ubarlight turns his long properly kept eye lashes and eyes towards the Horde! Wusses! School is in session!

For those wishing to see Ubarlight preparing to school some Horde wusses. [4]

Ubarlight senses yet another great evil spreading over Azeroth. It's coming from deep inside what you call your battlegrounds, and what you think is honor is really how much time you have to spend to try and prove how much of a wuss you aren't. Well, Ubarlight knows that the True Totally Awesome spend little time trying to prove that they are not wusses, and spend all the time showing how trully awesome they are. So you need to ask yourself for every action you take, "Is this going to show that I'm not a wuss (When I really am anyway), or is this going to try and show that I am kinda awesome somewhat?" Do that and you may find yourself closer to the path of Totally Awesome, and further from your current wimpy ways. But don't worry, Ubarlight does care about your growth in the Totally Awesome, so he has provided a poster that shall boost your moral when it comes to Wuss Vs Wuss, so you shall have something to cling to when you feel like whining on the forums. Don't let it keep it's claws in you, deep down you know you should be free to worship the glory that is Ubarlight, and that is worth fighting for. OH YEA!

For those wishing to see an Wuss Vs Wuss moral booster Ubarlight style. [5]


And for those that missed the last Ubarlight posters.... you wusses, these are for you.


Hither and yon has Ubarlight traveled across the land of Azeroth and a great many things he has seen and done! No Gnome has been spared, no Murloc has been left to walk dry land, no lonely ladies allowed to continue in such a state until abandoned the next day! For you see, it is I, Ubarlight, and I stop here now for a short while to give you what you need, the Totally Awesome. I have come to sate your hunger and punish those that would spread the ways of the wuss, like so many mushrooms spread from a pick up group after an attempted Emeriss raid.

Ubarlight would share his words of wisdom with those eager to learn the ways of the Totally Awesome and Wicked Sweet, however, he has done so already in numerous threads. Realizing the stress some of you wimps might go through in your attempt to find them, he has compiled them here already, so that you may bask in the said word of Ubarlight and be merry, drunk as you will be off the never ending power of the Totally Awesome.


Posted on loyal follower’s Mergeth’s thread:

Ubarlight shall accept this small token of loyalty and approve of it. Perhaps there have been those wondering where Ubarlight has been during these times of botting, fisticuffs, and general wussing around, a dark time indeed. But Ubarlight has been working to keep the peace, so do not worry like an Ogre who knows he cannot fart louder then his fellow brethren. Currently Ubarlight is standing at the gate of our very Argent Dawn, giving a kick of rightousness and Totally Awesome into the rear end of every Lackluster Wuss leaving the server. Couldn't handle it, wusses? Little did you know that it was Ubarlight's suggestions to Blizzard to corral all the wusses onto one server, like an organized raid blocking off the opposing PUG into their base graveyard upon the fields of Arathi, therefore locking them away for good, and no longer shall they influence others in theirs ways of wussiness. This time, however, they willingly went! Hah! Suckers.

And Ubarlight would also like to comment on this so called botting. Botting is for wusses who can't handle it. Wusses who don't have time for what they consider a game, so they decide to cheat. Well, how would they feel if Ubarlight came upon them in a blaze of light and fury, dispatching them immediately with the use of his IWIN! button, but not before taking the time to strike a pose for the ladies and maybe sign autographs for a small surcharge for the little gruntlings on the battlefield, I bet they would feel how everyone else feels about what they are doing. If you can't make the time to waste, then perhaps you shouldn't be wasting time! Ubarlight has all the time he needs, but he makes sure to never waste it, like spending an hour hitting on women, and then spending the next hour dumping them as they desperately try to cling onto him. Not that Ubarlight is incapable of removing the writhing mass of women in a matter of seconds, the longer they stay focused on him, the more they follow the path of Totally Awesome. So Ubarlight is really doing it for them. OH YEA!

And what about those wusses trying to pick out fights? Ubarlight scoffs at the lengths. Incapable of physically challenging each other, so instead they try to argue. Well, wusses, why don't you get good at arguing before you step onto the porch, where the big Gnolls play. You lightweights would have better luck trying to work it out, like a wimpy Cenarion Tauren who just had some Honeymilk spilled on him by a wimpy Cenarion Night Elf. They don't have the capacity to challenge each other to a good contest of wit and accusations, so they don't even try. You wusses, on the otherhand, try to argue, but it just looks like another day at Orgrimmar's Prewar Den, with Orcs and Trolls shaking their rattles and whining because another one got more manflesh then they did at the last meal. You wusses shouldn't be arguing! You should be pointing at Ubarlight and watching, until you can follow the path of the Totally Awesome on your own instead of breaking into a wimpy fight everytime you look away from him.

Ubarlight has not gone anywhere, like a Night Elf ruin, he will stay unmoving until the end of time! And do not worry, you wusses, there are more Totally Awesome Ubarlight posters on the way, since apparently you all have been craving for them for some time.


Glowing hammer of justice swinging into action, wiping a path clean through the waves of wusses like a Troll who has come across the Stone of the Tides, reaping wimpiness in a flurry of might and perfectly cut hair! Hoo-hah! You remember that, wusses? Ubarlight has returned in a blaze of glory not yet known to Azeroth! Turn from your ways of wussiness or meet face to foot Ubarlight's wicked sweet steel plated boots! Forever shall you bear the mark upon your very forehead of your misdoings! Only those that travel the path of the Totally Awesome can understand the importance of looking good and taking out the trash of those weaker then you, like a peasant piling up the plague riddled bodies of those that did not survive the first coming of the Scourge! No mere plague can stop the Totally Awesome, no mere armored fairy locked in a block of ice can stand in the path of Ubarlight's fury!

Ubarlight would like to comment on the wussy nature of your characters. Sylvannas' cousin, says you? Arthas' lost son? Hah! And you! All those that wish to be something they're not, like an Orc Hunter using Aspect of the Cheetah to be light in the loafers, you who think you can be a vampire or a werewolf or a demon or a ninja, you wusses need to get one thing straight. If you had any Totally Awesome in you at all, you'd want to say that you were in relation to Ubarlight. Instead you choose wimpy characters to base yourselves on, therefore limiting your originality and uniqueness! There is only one Ubarlight. Only one who will run up alone with the IWIN! button while the rest stand behind and cower! Only one with the Wicked Sweet moves to lay out the foes in his way! You will never be original and stand out if you base your wussiness off of someone else's wussiness, like a whole generation of Troggs that learned to pick their noses counterclockwise, you see, the one that goes against the tide and picks his nose clockwise is the one that is most likely to rise up and take control of the tribe! So know this wusses, as long as you continue to hide behind someone else's ideas, forever will you be shadowed by them, unlike Ubarlight, who strides forth in a blaze of light and well polished armor, the mere sight of him leaving his enemies fearful and dazed, while at the same time impressing all the nearby ladies! OH YEA!


Now that you have had your fill on Ubarlight’s words, like a tribe of Furbolgs becoming tame after eating from a carefully prepared meal of fruits and vitamins, sample a delicacy of Ubarlight’s Totally Awesome posters!

Ubarlight recently attempted to push Blizzard to make a new battleground that all could enjoy. Ubarlight understands the importance of having fun and not having everything turned into a job. However Blizzard’s reply has ruffled Ubarlight’s feathers, like a Great Horned Owl left out in the open surrounded by a pack of hungry ambushing Moonsabers, with their loyal Hunter companion nearby feigning death and glad that there was someone nearby to take the sacrifice for them. If things don’t start to change around here, someone is going to meet the business end of Ubarlight’s Totally Awesome Hammer of Justice and Face Smashing! Take heed Blizzard!

For those wishing to see Ubarlight’s request for a new Battlefield to Blizzard. [6]

Ubarlight has also been partaking in the effort to open the gates of Silithus. By spreading his wares carefully by the use of captured Gnome peddlers, Ubarlight is making a fine profit off of the upcoming war. Don’t worry suckers, you’ll get to see some of the gold, in the form of shockingly current and trendy fashions worn by yours truly. So until the gates open, Ubarlight will be scouting the Silithus region for suitable land to open up more Ubarlight related shopping malls. The Bronze Dragons, however, are not happy. Those wusses say it’s an infringement on the time line to open up shopping malls in this century. But don’t worry, fans of Ubarlight, for where there is a will, there’s a way, and no amount of wimpy Dragons can stop fair prices and convenient locations of Ubarlight merchandise!

For those wishing to see Ubarlight claim his territory in Silithus from Bronze Dragons. [7]

As mentioned before in one of the Ubarlight quotes, Ubarlight has been showing the wusses leaving the server the escape key. Ubarlight understands that there are some unbelievers among you, some wusses that claim that Ubarlight is wrong. Well then why do you hide in the shadows, little ones? Can’t stand the intense rays of Totally Awesome emanating from my being!? Hoo-hah! You can go along with the rest of them! To every wuss on Argent Dawn, this will be your fate! OH YEA!

For those wishing to see Ubarlight throw a wuss out of the realm. [8]

Ubarlight should stop now, before you are all overwhelmed and drown in your own bliss. But do not worry, there is plenty more Ubarlight left, whether you want it or not! Hah! Suckers!


Don't be such a wuss.

Ubarlight is busy dealing with wusses in Blackrock. Even now, they fall under his gaze, and begin to beg for mercy. Soon when the time is right, Ubarlight's plans shall come into fruitation, and Blackrock shall crumble and melt into a pool of primordial ooze, churning in on itself due to it's own weakness like a Slime Monster caught in a Gnome's Whirlygig. Forever shall Blackrock be cursed into a vicious cycle, like a fawn wandering the forests of Elwynn Forest, doomed to be killed any second by a random act of cruelty from some wuss, only to respawn and once again have it's existence threatened. So when Blackrock needs Ubarlight most, as they will grow dependent on him, he shall leave them, riding strong and fast on his totally awesome studly steed, and all they will have left is the dust stirred up from Ubarlight's studly steed's hooves, which they will catch in buckets and worship until their time has come. Hah! Suckers. The message has been sent. All that's left now to do is to wait. See how the wusses climb over another to get a glimpse at Ubarlight's totally awesomeness! Hoo-hah! [9]


Long has Ubarlight stayed in the shadows to watch the comings and goings of the Blackrock population. And now, when the time is right, he shall rise up like a Murloc rising above the surface of the water to attack a young traveler who attempted to loot a chest, the moonlight reflecting off the water glistening on it's eyes and back, to the terror of the soon to be victim. Ubarlight will now announce his authority to take these lands as his own, and Blackrock shall fall to his might and gauntleted fists. All shall know fear and tremble! You wusses will receive no mercy, and will soon bow down before the totally awesomeness that is Ubarlight.

By the use of warrior gnome spies, Ubarlight has decided to make a tactical move against Blackrock's youth population, to end the tide of those that would oppose him. So know that when you fall, there shall be no one to step up behind you and take arms! Hoo hah!

[10]

The cullings will continue until Ubarlight rules all of Azeroth. No one can stand up to the might of Ubarlight, with his powers of Totally Awesome and I Win! Tremble in misery and fear, wusses! OH YEA! Ubarlight will not accept surrender, no. For there are those out there who deserve none, and so none you shall receive! No, your ends will be quick and full of fear, as slowly, one by one, you are dug out and caught kicking and screaming to no avail, like a Kobold who's lost it's candle in a mine.

No one will be spared! [11]


Bring it wimps! Do not deny my total awesome! Cower in fear like a Furbolg who's overdosed on firewater as I strategically flex my muscles for ultimate wicked sweet power output and awe you with my finely chiseled chin and perfectly cut hair! Hoo hah! For now you see it is hopeless, and you shall fall under Ubarlight's aura of awesomeness and become learned in the ways of wicked sweet and coolness!

Despite the high level of wussiness on this server, Ubarlight sees potential, but only in a select few. Perhaps those can train in the way of Ubarlight, and aspire to become what Ubarlight has become, but the jokes on them, since they will never be as good as Ubarlight! Hah! Suckers! So Ubarlight will grace you with his presence for a short while longer, and allow you to peruse over is list of totally awesome posters and adventures! OH YEA!

Ubarlight realizes that you will soon be overcome with waves of totally awesome that will hit you like the waves that have wrecked so many poorly piloted Elvish ships across the coasts of Azeroth, and although it may leave you beached and gasping for air from the sudden shock, Ubarlight will allow you to ask the origin of any poster here, to appease your wussy curiosity and longing that you are now developing for Ubarlight. There is no way to end your addiction to Ubarlight, but there are ways to feed it. Join with him, and you will have more Ubarlight then you can ever imagine!

Disclaimer: Wusses were harmed in the making of these posters.

Wusses.


Quoted Post: GTFO NOW!

Reply: REROLL ARGENT DAWN RP NUB!

You are a weak bladdered imperfect imbecile. Tonight, you made baby jesus cry..

!@#$%^


You are a lackluster wuss. Look at you, your name is Hacksaw, but you're a mage! Hah! I bet you've never even picked up a yard tool in your life, and know nothing on the importance of managing daily lawn care with fertilizers, insectisides, and careful pruning. Hiding under all those robes, you walk out side and faint from a combination of the summer heat and the fact that you were just approached by a young Gnoll, eager for treats, and has slobbered upon your well kept finery, which you had just got dry cleaned at Gadgetzan. So go, you wimp, go back to your books and scrolls! Despite your supposed learning in the Arcane, you obviously lack knowledge in grammar, as Ubarlight can tell from his Totally Awesome Paladin's Dictionary that never leaves the chain attached to the side of his wicked sweet armored belt. Go and fall victim to druids who would much prefer to sleep in the sun then do anything that would actually benefit anyone. You will never understand the power behind the ways of Totally Awesome.


Even now as you go about your business, plans are drawn against you! For tonight you have seen what the Total Awesome can do! Blackrock will fall victim to it's own wussiness. The longer you continue in your wussy whimpy ways, Ubarlight will make sure that the ladies down in Blizzard Central are paying more attention to his wicked sweet dance moves instead of making sure to see if your cord is plugged in! Hah! Suckers! Give in or all will be lost!


You are out of bounds, wuss! Back into your veal fattening pen! Hoo-hah!


Ubarlight understands the need that you all have for Ubarlight. With all the wussy whineyness on the forums, the importance for Ubarlight to post and keep the amount of Totally Awesome up is high. So despite the great burden this is, it takes little effort from Ubarlight, so he shall continue to post in order to appease your yearning and pining and remind you how wicked sweet Ubarlight really is. OH YEA!


I think you're all wusses


Wuss


I think the point that you're all missing is... is that you're all wusses.


Ubarlight has once more returned to this realm to - Wait, silence, wuss! Ubarlight senses something!

...

...

...

The Gates of Ahn'Qiraj have opened, haven’t they? Now evil will flood through and spread terror and corruption throughout Azeroth! Lands will be spoiled and wasted, and vile creeping mold will spread and cover the corpses of thousands who died fleeing in terror! Night Elves will panic and spill green tea on their Oprah magazines! What’s that you say? That never happened!? Hah! Wuss! The jokes on you! Of course that never happened! Ubarlight had already broken into Ahn'Qiraj months ago, like a Rogue with 300 Lockpicking finally able to loot that last chest they’ve had in their inventory for months only to find a chunk of Aquamarine inside! Single handily Ubarlight defeated every wussy insect up to C’thun and his tentacle wimpyness. They may seem tough now, but Ubarlight made sure to rough them up enough so that you’d be able to handle them as a “challenge.” Ubarlight knows they are still distracted, unnerved, and afraid, knowing that any moment Ubarlight could return once more with a bout of hammering of heads and spraying of Raid, so while you all thought you’ve been fighting them at their best and dangerousness, they’ve long been nursing their wounds! In fact, it so inspired Blizzard, that the designers of Warcraft IV have given Ubarlight a spotlight! Although they told Ubarlight not to release these scenes until it was time, they’re wusses and Ubarlight knows this, so here you go, images from the opening movie of Warcraft IV.

For those wishing to see General Rajaxx challenging Ubarlight to a flexing contest. [12]

For those wishing to see General Rajaxx being abused by Ubarlight’s Total Awesomeness. [13]

Near the end of the game Ubarlight needs to get to the Paladin Trainers of Stormwind, to teach them the new secrets and techniques he’s learned during his travels far and wide. Most of the last level is trying to get back to Stormwind in time, but you still have to earn the correct amount of points by pausing to flex, admire self, and hit on women. But how will Ubarlight get to Stormwind from Ahn'Qiraj in time? With his new self tamed pet, Kurinnaxx, tamed with the might of the “I WIN!” button, of course. You wusses pride yourselves over your costly epic mounts, so when Ubarlight’s Studly Steed needs time to trot and impress the equine ladies, Ubarlight has Kurinnaxx on the leash for speedy wicked sweet travel. OH YEA!

For those wishing to see Kurinnaxx the Legendary Mount of Ubarlight. [14]

While visiting Ahn'Qiraj he also made sure to hit on the Spirit Healer, using his best one liners. So while the Spirit Healers may be great at dealing Resurrection Sickness to all the wusses who manage to get themselves killed every day (Suckers) Ubarlight left her a large quantity of love sickness, because after she was wooed, Ubarlight abandoned her the next day! Hah! It will take more then ten minutes for that to go away!

For those wishing to see Ubarlight using a one liner on the Spirit Healer. (Notice the tactical flexing) [15]

Well this didn’t sit too well with the Prophet of Ahn'Qiraj. Seems the big pill bug is the jealous type. It’s no matter, he tried to talk smack about Ubarlight and the ways of the Totally Awesome and the Wicked Sweet, saying that the only true worship was that of the Old Gods and their incredible powers! Well, this did not sit to well with Ubarlight, so unlike the lazy Prophet Ubarlight leapt forward into action, after dumping the Spirit Healer, and stomped out the annoyance! Too long has the wuss spread lies and wimpy tales, encouraging those around him to act accordingly. The Eye of C’thun saw this, and while they’re still a wuss, they’re a smart wuss, and C’thun and all of his tentacles are hiding somewhere deep in the earth after their last beating, but don’t worry, my followers (Still wusses), it’s time will come. Not even the might of an Old God can stop the amazing power of the Totally Awesome! Maybe Ubarlight should let some of you wusses ventures into the depths of the temple... to lure C’thun out when it senses an easy kill, and then fly in, armor gleaming and hammer swinging, and steal the kill, owning C’thun and impressing 40 wusses at the same time. Ubarlight will have to give this some thought.

For those wishing to see Ubarlight facing the wuss, Prophet Skeram. [16]

Many of you have been wondering what the new race is going to be. What group of wusses will the Alliance team up with and be buddies with? Well, Ubarlight knows, but won’t tell you, because you’re all wimps. Ubarlight will, however, tell you who it won’t be, and it won’t be Pandaren. Why? Because Ubarlight, always looking out for the people of Azeroth and caring about community, decided he needed to crash the Pandaren/Alliance peace talks. The Pandaren would have balanced out the differences in the races of the Alliance, soothing all sides, and this wouldn’t do! How would people come up with roleplay and stay on their toes without racism to base it on!? Not to mention it was fun to send those panicky creatures with fragile emotions running in every direction. Don’t believe it? Well one of the Gnome reporters caught the incident with one of their newfangled wussitron inventions, even though the Alliance Government denies the event ever happened. Ubarlight made sure that those Pandaren are going to be too scared to ever make themselves seen for some time. Go crawl back in your jugs of honey and wine, care bears!

For those wishing to see Ubarlight just before the Pandaren/Alliance Peace Talks Incident. [17]

Also occurring recently was the Ubarlight Dance Party 2006. What? You weren’t invited? Well, heh, maybe if you weren’t such a wuss you would have been told. Why don’t you try to be cool for a change, do everything you can to be the top of the scene and impress others, and maybe one day you’ll wake up with a letter on your door step, still sparkling with the Awesomeness of Ubarlight’s essence. You may not know what it is at first, but no doubt merely touching an object touched by Ubarlight will send a tingle up your arm, and you’ll know. You’ll know. But it probably won’t happen anyway, you’re all still too wimpy to consider even mentioning an invite, you’d be too frail and the surprise and glee you feel would cause you too explode in excitement. Heh, maybe Ubarlight should send out some invites.

For those wishing to see a glimpse of the Ubarlight Dance Party 2006. [18]

Well that’s all for now, wimps. Try not to be so wussy, alright? Otherwise you may wake up one day with a hammer swinging down on your face, and you’ll regret your actions then, won’t you? You better watch it or Ubarlight will hunt each and every one of you down and own you for the wusses you really are. Hoo Hah!

All Ubarlight products and posters are sponsored by the Ubarlight Weight Training and Looking Good for the Ladies Organization. SEE GIANT RESULTS! [19]


Reply to forum post from Killen Level 60 Undead Rogue Guild: GhostFang Brotherhood Realm: Argent Dawn

"INCONCEIVABLE" I don't think that means what you think it means.

Retort from Ubarlight Level 6 Human Paladin Realm: Blackrock

Must Ubarlight bring forth his Totally Awesome Paladin's Dictionary that never leaves the chain attached to the side of his wicked sweet (And finely polished) steel belt?

Inconceivable >adjective not capable of being imagined or grasped mentally.

Wuss, you have proven the very meaning of the word, by not understanding it. The ways of the Totally Awesome and Wicked Sweet shall remain inconveivable to you until you stop trying to find a fault in Ubarlight, and start pointing up at him as he stands in full glory and latest fashions. The more you seek to find a fault of the Ubarlight, the more you open your own weaknesses, until you will crumble like a Night Elf Vampire left in the sun. OH YEA! If you are thinking of the word concieve, and it's sub meaning of becoming pregnant, then Ubarlight's use of the word is still correct, as he is male and cannot give birth. If you consider the inability to get pregnant also a fault, then again, you are wrong once more. We all know women are wusses for wanting babies and we males got the better end of the deal. Hah! Suckers.


In response to the Friday Night Gnome Fights topic

Ubarlight approves.

There are many stranded Gnomes far and wide across the lands of Azeroth, like leftover summer holiday braziers, Gnomes that were once ravenous and driven by dark forces, spreading their ways of wussiness throughout the realms. Since then, they have grown placid, and this is the next best step above putting them in concentration camps. They still wander the wildernesses, wimpering and yammering, skittish and afraid of the Hammer of Totally Awesome or "I WIN!" that waits for them around the next tree.

Taking in a wussy Gnome of you own and training it for combat, teaching it the ways of the Totally Awesome and Wicked Sweet, letting it see that there's more to life then getting ignored, can benefit the entire lackluster realm. You see, it will keep the Gnomes busy, no longer will they run around naked and screaming, no longer will they attempt to procreate in the streets! Their wimpy ways will be replaced liked a Shaman that got left behind in Orgrimmar because the raid wanted to try out a newly found Paladin! OH YEA!

Do not worry about being unable to find a Gnome of your own. Ubarlight has let all the wild Gnomes know that he will be coming for them should they be quick to gnash at the fingers of the hamfists that feed them! You can gain the trust of Gnomes by luring them with sweets and shiny objects, or by small noisy and complex contraptions that don't really do anything, like a Warlock on a Noggenfogger overdose trying to DPS in Naxxramas.

So go forth those that seek the betterment of the land and the Totally Awesome! Assist Boom in his plight so that no Gnome will be left unattended and stray! Hoo ha!


In response to Boom's Forum Thread Celeb Wallpaper

Ubarlight will gladly accept a wallpaper as a token of sacrifice to the Totally Awesome and Wicked Sweet. It's good to take your heroes and raise them high, pointing at them as the wind blows through their finely permed hair! That gives them what they need to let loose a great HOO HAH! over the many ranges of mountains, and sweep downward upon some hapless wuss like an Orc leaping down and gutting Naga for the local Steemwheedle Goblin fish mart. You know that tuna you Night Elves just ate in cat form? It wasn't Naga safe. In fact, your acts can fill a hero with such energy that his foes trip upon the ground to get to them, not to attack them, no, but to paw at their legs and beg for mercy, and will Ubarlight give them this mercy? No! he shall swing his mighty hammer in an arc like the Hellfire from a surly Undead Warlock! The desperate foes will be knocked back gurgling with smitation greater than a knock back hit from Rexxar himself! Go forth on your path to the Totally Awesome, Boom, refer to your small amount of inner awesomeness to get that boost, like a Draenei Paladin referring to his Totally Awesome Paladin's Dictionary before heading out to do forum battles with some Fel Orcs of poor grammar and lingo! Stride forward with proud steps like a son coming home to lift his father's heavy burden from his shoulders! OH YEA!

Ubarlight can see that this task you have taken on is a substantial one, so Ubarlight has decided to help you along the way. Ubarlight has provided a start for you wallpaper, all you need to do is fill in the background behind the impressive form of Ubarlight with other characters, and your masterpiece shall be complete! See? Ubarlight cares and respects the community, and will assist you when he sees it necessary to help you all grow and learn in the ways of the Wicked Sweet, even though you will never be as Wicked Sweet as Ubarlight. Hah! Suckers!

[20]


Poster: Nogard

Quoted Post: rofl blakc phoenix

Post: grats on wipping on hogger with you're naxx gear GG... oh and btw... come more often on arthas forum... we love seeing you QQ


You are a lackluster wuss. Ubarlight will give a list of reasons, in hopes that you can read them well enough to understand you high level of wussoscity.

1. You misspelled the word black. Ubarlight understands that you may be Undead and your brain is no longer resting in the original fluids, however, the word black is one of the first words many young wusses learn in preschool. Cause it's a color. You do know that black is a color, right wuss? Just making sure. 2. Your name is Nogard. Any tactical situation in PvP involves guarding, whether it's the flagrunner, blacksmith, or graveyard, guarding is necessary. You are a wuss because your name is Nogard, which indicates that you are one of the wusses who ignore teamwork and run around solo, ruining it for the rest of the wusses. Ubarlight understands the need for teamwork, as all of his followers look up to him and point up to him, and he blesses them with his gifts of Totally Awesome and Wicked Sweet.

3. Your guild name is

. You are on a PvP server. Did your guildmaster have to name the guild that so you all could remember that you are PvPers? Is there some chance that you all would forget such a thing, like a Darnassian Squirrel forgetting which Ancient it has hidden it's winter collection of nuts and berries in? 4. You are from the server Arthas. Arthas is full of wusses. Few locations in the universe has more lackluster wusses than Arthas. Arthas himself is an incredibly huge wuss. 5. You are a mage. You frolic in your brightly colored garb and lightened slippers spouting shiny magical effects, always attempting to DPS-solo other players and never helping your own team, but always whining when another teammate breaks your sheep, like one head of an Ogre Magi whining about how the other head is always eating all of the boogers and leaving none for itself. 6. You posted on another server's forum, attempting to attack something about that server, like a Night Elf Rogue who attempted to solo grab the Relief graveyard in Alterac valley, all it takes is one Totally Awesome hero, such as myself, to transcend the world of light and Wicked Sweet and obliterate you and your plans for swift victory. Suck it up, wuss, you'll get no satisfaction here! Hoo-Hah! 7. You are a huge wuss. Now go home to your sad, desperate struggle to rank up before the ever ominous cloud of rank eating nether vapors that is the Expansion! Ubarlight didn't even need to use the IWIN! button for this one! OH YEA! Ubarlight has kept his promise to his faithful to completely own any interdictor from another realm that attempts to subvert those less wussier than themselves.


Poster: Mirk

Quoted Post: rofl blakc phoenix

Reply: Black is the absence of color!


With light, black is the absence of color. White is an equal amount of red, green and blue. In pigment, black is a value. However, in preschool, young Hordling and Alliance wusses are not taught about the properties of light and pigments and correct color choices for modern trendy fashion statements, they are simply taught that black is a color. So Ubarlight can see how a Tauren who's main diet has been grassy fibers of Mulgore which has most likely tainted by lead shifted in the wind from Goblin works in Stonetalon, can be confused by such a statement, so Ubarlight will forgive you this time. Remember, wusses, we're talking about players from Arthas, there is no reason to try to include scientific explanations in anything said to them in a decent amount of Totally Awesome detail.


Poster: Tussle

Quoted Post: MEAN TUSSLE

Post: GREETINGS MENIAL BEINGS.

IF YOU HAVE ISSUE WITH MEAN TUSSLE YOU MAY VOICE THEM HERE. I THRIVE UPON YOUR LAUGHABLE ATTEMPTS AT COGENCY, YEA, INDEED I BECKON YOU HITHER TO DASH YOUR FEEBLE PSYCHES UPON THE BLACK CLIFFS OF MY CHTHONIAN INTELLECT. I WELCOME YOUR FARCICAL COMMENTARY UPON THE QUALITY OF MY PUNCTUATION, NOT KNOWING THAT I HAVE BEGOTTEN FROM MY INFERNAL MIND A NEW ERA OF COMMUNICATION UNFETTERED BY THE BONDS OF LINGUISTIC PROPRIETY TO WHICH YOU CLING. WHEN I TRANSCENDED THE PRISONS OF COMMUNICATION IMPOSED BY AND UPON THE BLIND MASSES (WHO ARE YOU), I KNEW WITHOUT QUESTION THE INARGUABLE CORRECTNESS OF THIS NEW METHOD OF ADDRESS. NOW YOU KNOW THIS AS WELL, AND SHRINK DOWN LIKE THE WEEDISH VIOLETS YOU EMULATE.

I WARN YOU, KNOWING IT SHALL ONLY TEMPT YOU FURTHER, THAT TO SET FOOT UPON THIS PATH STREWN WITH SHARDS OF BONE AND GLASS - YEA, TO CHALLENGE MEAN TUSSLE IN HIS OWN SANCTUM - WILL LEAD TO NOTHING BUT THE SWIFT AND DECISIVE EXTERMINATION OF YOUR WILL TO LIVE.


In response to Mean Tussle after he hath slain the innocents of Argent Dawn with words of great mystical power.

Ho! What events have transpired here? Some wuss of vernacular aptitude has risen upon the field of idiom to challenge all that would cross his path? Your efforts are admirable, although also derisory, as Ubarlight is equipped with the Totally Awesome Paladin's Dictionary that is perpetually chained to his prodigious belt!

There is onslaught and verbal destruction laid forth in your path if you persist, Gnome of diminutive stature and substantial, gnashing teeth, like an incensed pack of Stratholmian Crate Rats that some Rogue wandered upon in the height of conflict against a pallid wuss! Stay your typing hands lest the incredible hammer of Ubarlight swing forth and smasheth upon your gnomatarsals, permanently imbedding your fingers into the keyboard as a reminder of your failed attempt to gain power through the use of lexis! For you see, your authorative motive works only on those that cannot comprehend your utilization of esteemed terminology and words of pain, but Ubarlight discerns all and perceives through the lingo, and like a Hunter's pet, speeding with alacrity and tempo through the bastion of Warriors, targeting the closest mage cowering behind, flaccidly throwing fireballs at whatever moves, I come for you, hammer of righteousness and wicked sweet swinging in udulation with a flurry greater then Thunderaan at an elemental drinking constitutional!

Do not tempt my capability and capacity you trifling Gnome! Ubarlight has dealt with your kind before, and you will end up as another well compacted pile of pixilated, desecrated, fallow and emancipated rubbish left in Ubarlight's wake as he advances forward on his goal to bring the Totally Awesome to all! You cannot become Totally Awesome just by the use of words and caps, no, you also have to use your articulated proficiency to disseminate and worship, in adulation and veneration, of Ubarlight, as only he can conduct you forth into the realm of Totally Awesome and Wicked Sweet!


Poster: Tussle

Quoted post: Mean Tussle

Reply: SO YOU HAVE ARRIVED AT LAST, MY DESPISED AND CONTEMPTIBLE FOE.

I WILL SUBJUGATE YOU TO MY WILL AT A LEISURELY, FELINE PACE - DELECTATING OVER EACH INFINITESSIMAL PINPRICK I SHALL SUBJECT YOU TO - THE WHOLE OF WHICH WILL DRIVE YOU IRRETRIEVABLY INSANE. SO COMPLETE WILL SHALL BE THE MENTAL DECONSTRUCTION I WILL PERFORM THAT I FIND NO ISSUE WITH DELINEATING IT FOR YOU HERE AND NOW. INGEST AND ANTICIPATE, SIMPLETON.

FIRST I WILL GAIN ENTRANCE TO YOUR CRANIUM AND CONSUME YOUR BRAIN FROM WITHIN. I WILL DERIVE FROM IT A MEALY UNPALATABLE PASTE-LIKE SUBSTANCE WITHIN THE LABORATORY OF MY ACIDIC BILE-FILLED DIGESTIVE SYSTEM. FROM THERE IT SHALL TRAVEL THROUGHOUT MY MANY YARDS OF INTESTINAL TRACT UNTIL IT ONCE MORE ENCOUNTERS THE AIR AND SUNLIGHT, BUT LO! LO! LOOK UNTO IT AND COWER DOWN, FOR YEA VERILY IT HATH BEEN ALCHEMICALLY TRANSFORMED INTO THAT MOST FOUL OF SUBSTANCES (THOUGH PERHAPS NOT SO CHANGED AT ALL). I WILL THEN USE AN IMPLEMENT INTENDED TO ENCAPSULATE AND REMOVE THE EXCRETIONS OF ENTRALLED CANINES UPON THIS REEKING MATTER.

FROM THERE YOUR ONCE-CEREBRUM SHALL BE PLACED INTO A HOUSING DESIGNED FOR A SPECIFIC PURPOSE. THIS CONTAINER WILL PERMIT THE INTERMINGLING OF MIASMA AND SECRETIONS WITH THE SUBSTANCE OF YOUR PALTRY INTELLECT. I WILL PLACE IT AT THE CENTERMOST POINT OF A QUAGMIRE SO FOUL THAT THE ONLY LIVING CREATURES ABLE TO PRESIST WITHIN ITS CONFINES WILL BE THOSE INVERTEBRATES WHO DERIVE THEIR SUSTENANCE FROM EXCREMENT AND PUTRESCENCE. AS THE VILE SOLUTION OF SWAMP AND UBARLIGHT SEEPS SLOWLY FROM YOUR RELIQUARY, THESE ORGANISMS WILL FEED UPON YOUR BRAIN.

FINALLY, WHEN THE TIME HAS COME, MY SERVANTS WILL GATHER THESE SLUGS AND SLIMES, FAT AND LOATHSOME, AND BRING THEM TO THEIR FINAL DESTINATION. AS MY FIERY APPARATUSES SLOWLY CHURN, A FINE WHITE DUST WILL POUR INTO INNUMERABLE HAND-HELD BELLOWS. WHEN THE PROCESS IS COMPLETE, MY ARMY WILL TAKE TO THE AIR, AND THE CITIES OF THE WORLD WILL COME TO BE COVERED IN THE SLUDGY WHITE ASH OF WHAT WAS ONCE THEIR MOST TRUSTED HERO. YOU WILL INVADE THEIR MOUTHS, EYES, AND EARS. FOOD WILL SPOIL. COMPANIONS WILL TURN UPON EACHOTHER. THE WORLD WILL FESTER AND CONTRIVE ITS OWN PATHETIC DEMISE. BECAUSE OF YOU.

YES, UBARLIGHT, THAT IS THE FINAL PURPOSE OF YOUR THRICE ABUSED MIND.


Tussle's blow was powerful, but Ubarlight had his IWIN! button ready to go.

It's time to rumble! Hoo-ha! To arms legion of the illimitable and almighty Totally Awesome! We shall prove triumphant because we have the more prestigious countenances and more impressionable mannerisms! For glorification and accolades and affordable hair supplements, Let's do this!


SO YOU HAVE ARRIVED AT LAST, MY DESPISED AND CONTEMPTIBLE FOE.


Ubarlight comprehends your necessity for caps. It is because you are short. Short like a level 40 is short on gold after purchasing their first mount. You see Ubarlight standing soaring and omnipotent, with one flexion of muscle tissue transmitting a wave of exhilaration and anticipation out across the multitudes that have accumulated around Ubaright, and you know that even standing on your toes will not alleviate your clandestine impulse to see Ubarlight in his finery and palpate the warm basking incandescence hit your face with a slap like that of a Qiriaj Swarmguard! Look at every Gnome invention ever produced, see how they all strain to lift the Gnomes off terra firma, to make them more prominent in elevation!



I WILL SUBJUGATE YOU TO MY WILL AT A LEISURELY, FELINE PACE - DELECTATING OVER EACH INFINITESSIMAL PINPRICK I SHALL SUBJECT YOU TO - THE WHOLE OF WHICH WILL DRIVE YOU IRRETRIEVABLY INSANE. SO COMPLETE WILL SHALL BE THE MENTAL DECONSTRUCTION I WILL PERFORM THAT I FIND NO ISSUE WITH DELINEATING IT FOR YOU HERE AND NOW. INGEST AND ANTICIPATE, SIMPLETON.


Go ahead and try, you lackluster wuss, Ubarlight ascertains your bark, but knows that like most Gnomes, your bite is more threatening in concept than in design. If you can't growl with the big Gnolls then get out of the den! Are you ready? Ubarlight's skin is like finely molded steel, smooth and gracefully overlapping each and every muscle as Ubarlight strides forward into battle, ready to bring the smack down to the less than worthy! Ubarlight's hair glints in the sun with much scintillation and luster, with each undulation of thick locks, the light is reflected and blinds his enemies with the fierceness of the Totally Awesome, their assurance in their self-deception shattered and they flee for the shadows and the dirt like the wusses they are! Ubarlight's face is chiseled to paragon, and every eyebrow arc, every subtle movement of nose and lips, send the ladies wheeling around Ubarlight out of control and they swoon being overwhelmed by such vigor and excitation! Ubarlight's arms and legs are like tree trunks, and there is no force that can terminate their campaign, no Gnome threatening with a pair of scissors that can preclude the inevitable OH YEA! and a forward punt into the fundament sending the rambling wuss flying high into the air and beyond the horizon! Ubarlight's boots are made of Wicked Sweet plated steal, designed for firm boot to butt action, with the forcefulness of a bad Rattlegore pull! Ubarlight's brain is well ascertained in all manners of oral communication and competition, for Ubarlight understands the importance of disciplining the mind as well as the body, unlike a Gnome, who is more concerned in the mind considering they have so very little body! Hoo-ha! Ubarlight could pit you against his bicep and forearm and squeeze, sending a resounding pop across all of Azeroth and beyond to be convoluted in the profoundness of the Nether!

Apparently, the forums did not ascertain to the fact that Ubarlight was posting today, and it will take more than one post to display Ubarlight's impressive use of the IWIN! Button!


Ubarlight's continued onslaught of the vile Mean Tussle.


FIRST I WILL GAIN ENTRANCE TO YOUR CRANIUM AND CONSUME YOUR BRAIN FROM WITHIN. I WILL DERIVE FROM IT A MEALY UNPALATABLE PASTE-LIKE SUBSTANCE WITHIN THE LABORATORY OF MY ACIDIC BILE-FILLED DIGESTIVE SYSTEM. FROM THERE IT SHALL TRAVEL THROUGHOUT MY MANY YARDS OF INTESTINAL TRACT UNTIL IT ONCE MORE ENCOUNTERS THE AIR AND SUNLIGHT, BUT LO! LO! LOOK UNTO IT AND COWER DOWN, FOR YEA VERILY IT HATH BEEN ALCHEMICALLY TRANSFORMED INTO THAT MOST FOUL OF SUBSTANCES (THOUGH PERHAPS NOT SO CHANGED AT ALL). I WILL THEN USE AN IMPLEMENT INTENDED TO ENCAPSULATE AND REMOVE THE EXCRETIONS OF ENTRALLED CANINES UPON THIS REEKING MATTER.


Now you exhibit your jealousy at Ubarlight's cogitative capabilities, seeking to take it as your own! You claim the deconstruction of Ubarlight in the tangible realm will allow for the matter once enhanced by his being to be smitten and destituteed by the most intemperate of Gnomish intestinal innards! Hoo-hah! Do not forget, Gnome, you are after all, a Gnome, and you do not have "yards" of intestinal tracts, but a yard. Your eyes are more prominent than your stomach, for even if you could break down the substance of Ubarlight with mastication, it would sublimate you from the inside out, burning you into a vacuous carapace with an indigestion outstanding that of an over-satiated Onyxia, and any measure of Ubarlight matter that touches the ground would be no doubt the most Totally Awsome fertilizer in the known universe, no doubt select for cultivating special herbs used in hair care products! And feline? Canines? You are no a Druid! You are a Warrior, but I suppose that would rationalize your meretricious, obnoxious manner and inadequate involvement in modern hygiene.


FROM THERE YOUR ONCE-CEREBRUM SHALL BE PLACED INTO A HOUSING DESIGNED FOR A SPECIFIC PURPOSE. THIS CONTAINER WILL PERMIT THE INTERMINGLING OF MIASMA AND SECRETIONS WITH THE SUBSTANCE OF YOUR PALTRY INTELLECT. I WILL PLACE IT AT THE CENTERMOST POINT OF A QUAGMIRE SO FOUL THAT THE ONLY LIVING CREATURES ABLE TO PRESIST WITHIN ITS CONFINES WILL BE THOSE INVERTEBRATES WHO DERIVE THEIR SUSTENANCE FROM EXCREMENT AND PUTRESCENCE. AS THE VILE SOLUTION OF SWAMP AND UBARLIGHT SEEPS SLOWLY FROM YOUR RELIQUARY, THESE ORGANISMS WILL FEED UPON YOUR BRAIN.


Even now you betray your arcanum yearning of Ubarlight! See how you would make a shrine of his remains! The morass you so audibly portrayed would surmount to a garden abundant with copious grasses, fruits, and vegetables, for Ubarlight always compels to eat a salubrious diet! Long after you're gone the unsullied estate will remain sanctioned, and the sun would reflect of the grass just right, each zephyr sending ripples up the spines of those prosperous souls who may come across it. And the followers of Ubarlight would revere the land, consecrated as they are to find a place so Totally Awesome and so perfect to ensconce upon, and even then Ubarlight would substantiate them in their indigence, even then they would be dependent on the nature of Ubarlight! Because my diminutive antagonist, Ubarlight's nature is Totally Awesome, and no quantity of digestion can belay that.


FINALLY, WHEN THE TIME HAS COME, MY SERVANTS WILL GATHER THESE SLUGS AND SLIMES, FAT AND LOATHSOME, AND BRING THEM TO THEIR FINAL DESTINATION. AS MY FIERY APPARATUSES SLOWLY CHURN, A FINE WHITE DUST WILL POUR INTO INNUMERABLE HAND-HELD BELLOWS. WHEN THE PROCESS IS COMPLETE, MY ARMY WILL TAKE TO THE AIR, AND THE CITIES OF THE WORLD WILL COME TO BE COVERED IN THE SLUDGY WHITE ASH OF WHAT WAS ONCE THEIR MOST TRUSTED HERO. YOU WILL INVADE THEIR MOUTHS, EYES, AND EARS. FOOD WILL SPOIL. COMPANIONS WILL TURN UPON EACHOTHER. THE WORLD WILL FESTER AND CONTRIVE ITS OWN PATHETIC DEMISE. BECAUSE OF YOU.


Even now your own machinations would fail you. The blessed land would cause your servants to flee, filled with the terror of an ever present smashing of boots against their thickened skulls, and by spreading the remains of Ubarlight across the world would be a blessing, the followers of the Totally Awesome and Wicked Sweetness would dance in the streets, bouting over who got to the dust first and contending over who had more of Ubarlight's dust on them. Then, blessed with the Total Awesomeness themselves, the followers would be lifted up, and you would discover yourself against a crusade of Ubarlights, all wielding potency unperceived to your kind and looking tantalizing while doing so! For you see, even if Ubarlight lacked a substantial chassis, he would still be Totally Awesome, and therefore, ultimately a victor in the end.

Once more, the forum struggles under the weight of Ubarlight's impressive girth of thought and stature!


Ubarlight's endurance is unwaning, which is why he is so popular with ladies. He has the vitality to keep Tussle at bay!


YES, UBARLIGHT, THAT IS THE FINAL PURPOSE OF YOUR THRICE ABUSED MIND.


There is still time Gnome, still time to remedy yourself of your intensified levels of wussitude, still time to point a finger at Ubarlight and look at him in veneration. But know this, wimp, the more you clamber against Ubarlight, the deeper you impel yourself to fall perpetually into the ways of wussiness.

OH YEA!


A post on Argent Dawn from a Blackrock Player

Poster: Felonious

Quoted Post: Need halp on Blackrock server! Lol

Post: Lol, okay, so, I know our two servers haven't always been on the best standing with each other. But anyways, this harassment has to stop, alright lol? Because of all the queues from all the newbs back for whatever reason on the Blackrock server, lol, it's already a huge hassle and we really can do without you guys sending your people over to mess with us, it's really getting old lol. Because the queues were so long I decided to pass the wait by playing another game called Fear. Lol! I figured it would be less stressful and I would get me ready for some pvp and owning newbs, (Lol) right? Well, it turns out that the game really freaks me out lol... take a look at the screenshot alright? Lol?

[21] So I was like 'Lol damn! Who could do this much destruction lol?' and so I play for a little while and then suddenly this guy jumped out at me and started to talk to me. Well, rofl, I wasn't on multiplayer or anything so I couldn't understand what was going on! LOL!

[22] So I figured I might as well put a few shotgun rounds into him, lol, I know the game Fear lol likes to throw some freaky things at you, but apparently that was a bad idea. Lol.

[23] Anyway, I told my lol pvp friends about him and they say he's from Argent Dawn or something Lol. So can you guys please ask this guy to stop or something? Lol? He's really screwing us over you know and you guys need to stop this kind of thing! Lol!


Ubarlight at the opening of the Dark Portal

A great rumble is heard, and then the earth shudders! What seethes in anger and seeks to break free on the other side! What unknown darkness prowls, seeking only to consume and destroy!? The multitudes of Alliance, Horde, and wusses gather around the ancient stone, ready for anything!

But it turns out they weren’t ready for what came next!

Great flashing light! Hammer swinging bright! Oh yea! Ubarlight strides forth on his Studly Steed to save the day! To teach the ways of the Totally Awesome, and keep wusses at bay! Like an Alliance raid in a Horde starting area, Ubarlight sweeps clean of the competition and maintains his aura of sweetness and reputable good looks! Hoo hah! Can you believe, it, wusses and wimps? The GM’s finally allowed Ubarlight back onto Argent Dawn! No doubt that Blackrock is falling apart right now, it was well known that it was only Ubarlight’s willpower alone that kept the realm stable, as well as keeping the ever multiplying Gnomes in check. However, as Argent Dawn is an old server, and we all know that things that are old, especially the elderly, possess high levels of wuscocity! In order for Ubarlight to return to Argent Dawn, he has to revert back to Level 1. They are still not completely done transferring Ubarlight, they have to install him in patches. But fear not, this was done so that the server was not shocked to such a degree that it crumbled under the wait of Ubarlight’s Totally Awesome girth! Over time Ubarlight will once again continue to grow in the path of the Totally Awesome which is a lot more than Ubarlight can say for you.

Did you worry that your server would crash? That no one would get to play once the Dark Portal opened? Egad! Where is your faith!? How could you not be sure that Ubarlight your savior would appear and force the server to stay online! It didn’t crash, did it, and you have Ubarlight to thank for that! Ubarlight knew that the Burning Wusses has many spies, and also that they knew Ubarlight was returning to his rightful realm. So you wonder why no manner of ravenous slobbering fiends of darkness came charging and clamboring forth to defile the land of Azeroth! It’s because they knew Ubarlight would be there, ready and waiting, with the IWIN! Button on full setting of total tail kicking! Ubarlight knew the multitude of wusses hanging out around the Portal would be disappointed, so Ubarlight made it up to them by leaving his chambers of intense meditation and dedicated preening and making a personal visit to the Blasted Lands, to let the wusses of Argent Dawn once more feel the waves of Totally Awesome sweep over them like it was the very breath of Alexstrasza herself! Imagine how it would have been if Ubarlight had not been there, the wusses would have been fighting each other like a pack of Blood Elf males fighting for the last tight-fitting T-Shirt that said “Let me be your personal dancer.”

So Ubarlight charges unrelentingly forward to show all the wusses that everything was going to be okay. [24]

Ubarlight mingles with the natives. So entranced as they were, some attempted to mimic Ubarlight’s sweet dance moves and wicked flexes. [25] [26] [27]

Unfortunately not all could be saved. A few were so excited by Ubarlight’s appearance, that they died right where they were standing. [28]

So fear not, future explorers of Outland! The day has been saved by yours truly, and in the coming future there are many adventures in the Totally Awesome for you to experience! When you are in a tense struggle and cannot find a way to be Totally Awesome, remember Ubarlight as he appeared to you this day, and you will be filled with the power of the Totally Awesome and Wicked Sweet, and may accomplish things you could not before! Stride forward proud to be a follower of Ubarlight! OH YEA!


Oooooh YEA! Time for more rip-snortin, knee slapping and wuss owning action! As you may well know, Ubarlight like many others, has been busy owning it up in Outland! Ubarlight could not believe the amount of wusses and wimps that sought shelter in this torn and wussifide land. Well, Ubarlight has come to bring forth Wicked Sweet Ownage to all those that would whine and complain and show general wuss-like behavior! Since the opening of the portal, there has been a great battle between yours truly and dangerous, unknown and new enemies, don’t let the seemingly tranquil last few weeks fool you, or you will end up in the middle of a massive underground conflict, like being in the middle of an empty Sketti camp that’s preparing to respawn it’s entire inhabitants at once on you.

First of all, Ubarlight had a mission of great importance before actually entering the strange new world, he sensed a congregation of wusses! This wimpy faction is known as the “Preorderers,” noted for their attempts to try and get into an area and wuss it up before those who follow the path of the Totally Awesome can bring order, like a Horde raid against Halaa! Had they been successful, they would have been the first to set the milestones of the Burning Crusade, with their wussy Blood Elves and Draenei, and any number of pathetic server-first posts! Ubarlight could not let such an abomination grow, oozing and regurgitating it’s entrails, leaving behind it a wake of wlimpth, which is a compound substance of slime, filth, and wimpiness, so he rushed forth and showed the Preorderers what it’s like to truly get things before they are rightly deserved!

For those wishing to see Ubarlight just before the Preorderer Wuss Army was devastated. [29]

While Ubarlight was owning up the Preorderers in one location, a second faction, known as the Rerollers, known for their nomadic way of lifestyle and their abilities of being unable to make up their minds and whining when no one will run them through Scarlet Monastery, made a rush start into Eversong Woods. The Rerollers had done the dangerous thing of creating Blood Elf males, which we all know will just ignore the Blood Elf women for reasons unknown, leaving the Blood Elf women distracted from outside sources, such as Ubarlight, with all of them too busy clawing at the Blood Elf males for attention in vain. Ubarlight has long respected the Blood Elves for their generous consideration of lavish hair care products and grand master manicures, but he was not about to allow the fragile balance that has allowed the race to survive and become the victim to the ways of wussyiness! Already the wuss Kael has abandoned his people, so seemingly enthralled with Illidan as he is, and he continues to promise the Blood Elf women a resolution if they just gave into the ways of the wuss, like a player giving in and rolling an Alliance Shaman.

Don’t worry friends, Kael will get his in time, but the more important deed to be done was to remind the Blood Elf women what a true man was, before the light-footed Blood Elf men, not knowing any better, turned their women into confused addicts of attention, stealing anything they can in order to force the Blood Elf men to wander out into the ruins to slay them and therefore pay them some attention as well. Time was of the essence! And so Ubarlight rode forth on his Studly Steed, muscles flexing to the rhythm of the Totally Awesome and Wicked Sweet, and arrived just in time to save the Blood Elf race as we know it.

For those wishing to see Ubarlight give the Blood Elf women the attention they need. [30]

With Azeroth stable once more, it was now time to venture across the void and into Outland, and so Ubarlight made quick haste, after two weeks of strenuous mediation in Silvermoon. His first goal was to find allies long lost during the destruction of the Dark Portal, and although he has yet to find all of them, there are yet some beings discovered who possess the ways of the Totally Awesome and Wicked Sweet in Outland. Ubarlight first headed to the Cenarion base in Zangarmarsh, where he met his long lost friend Coryth Stoktron, a Night Elf renowned for his fashionable dress and well-mannered ways with the ladies. After meeting his old friend, Ubarlight donned his old crafting gear and once more Ubarlight and Coryth wandered the streets, watching as the ladies wooed over them, sometimes breaking out into fights just to get to the Totally Awesome pair first. Coryth explained that the ladies had not had anyone to show them any worthy attention in sometime, so it was an important job done by Ubarlight and Coryth, to relieve the ladies of their depressing loneliness.

For those wishing to see Ubarlight and Innkeeper Coryth on the job. [31]

Since Ubarlight was in the zone, he decided to go check out an old flame. Long had Ubarlight abandoned her in a fit of passion, and since then she has sought out Illidan who awoke her from her fitful slumber and promised her a better life of equal rights between men and women and other such nonsense. If only she had stayed true to Ubarlight, and continued to strive to be Totally Awesome despite being afflicted with love sickness, she could have realized that for a short while Ubarlight was paying attention to her, and used that to fuel her for the rest of her life, all her pains melting away like the face of a Priest’s foe. But no! Illidan has wussified her and not only worse, put her in the presence of a Blood Elf male! And we all know what happens then! So Ubarlight charged through the fungus covered swamps to the great Drain, named for the sinking of her heart from her loss, where Ubarlight once more confronted Lady Vashj, and convinced her that Ubarlight was the only true path to the Totally Awesome, and when Lady Vashj was once more enthralled with Ubarlight, once more willing to give her life so that she may die in the presence of one so Wicked Sweet should it be necessary, what did Ubarlight do? You want a spoiler? Here’s a spoiler!

Why, he abandoned her again! Hah! Sucker!

For those wishing to see Ubarlight abandon Lady Vashj once more. [32]

Do not worry, those who follow the path of the Totally Awesome. Though it may pain Lady Vashj now, and probably for another thousand or so years, it has once more set her in the right direction, like a young player asking a guard for a location of a trainer instead of using General Chat. The longer she thinks about Ubarlight, the better off she’ll be. As they say, treat an elite like a newbie and a newbie like an elite.

Illidan however wasn’t willing to give up Lady Vashj so easily, annoyed with he is at Kael for always wanted to chat to him about the latest house redecorating reality TV show, and he declared war on Ubarlight! So now the two worlds have collided, but Ubarlight knows that given time, the enemies of the Totally Awesome and Wicked Sweet will defeat themselves with their own wussiness in time, like someone trying to level a Troll Priest. Illidan sent a minion to attack Honor Hold, and Ubarlight was there to put down the wussy threat!

For those wishing to see Ubarlight in the war of the two worlds. [33]

Ubarlight soon learned that Illidan is using the wuss Magtheridon to fulfill his wussy experiments. In retaliation for the attack on Honor Hold, Ubarlight traveled the waste land of Hellfire Chasm to the Hellfire Citadel, and made sure that no longer would Magtheridon be source of great wusscitude in Outland! Consequently, once Magtheridon was owned, the inhabitants of the Magtheridon Server all cried out in anguish and at once were silenced. That ought to show im!

For those wishing to see Ubarlight bring the smack down to Magtheridon. [34] [35]

Finally, with the threat to Outland halted for now, Ubarlight had sometime to explore the wild regions. His first stop was in Nagrand, the homeland of the Orcs. There he came across Hemet Nesingwary, who was brazen enough to wager that Ubarlight couldn’t take out a Felboar! Well, Ubarlight couldn’t let this pass, so he travelled once more to Hellfire Chasm to prove the old Dwarf wrong! There he found another old friend, Woo Ping, who’s prime goal in Outland was to break the fingers of the first level 70 Blood Elf or Draenei he saw, and together Ubarlight and Woo Ping wiped the entire Felboar species off of the minimap!

For those wishing to see Ubarlight and fellow Owning Enthusiast Woo Ping with a prize Felboar kill. [36]

It turned out that Hemet Nesingwary had tricked Ubarlight out of Nagrand so that he could own all the new, wild animals for himself. Well, if anyone was going to devastate a newly discovered, bountiful and delicate ecosystem, it was going to be Ubarlight! To get Nesingwary out of Ubarlight’s way, he first had to shame the old Dwarf to such a degree that he would never hunt wild game again. Ubarlight’s goal was to reduce Nesingwary down from Expert Hunter of Dangerous Game to Chief Squirrel Population Regulator of Stormwind! Ubarlight set forth a plan that was bound to succeed, because Ubarlight is just so Totally Awesome.

First, Ubarlight tracked Nesingwary across Nagrand. How does one track a Hunter, you ask? It’s easy, just ask nearby groups if they had an argument with a random player over a loot drop. Then, Ubarlight waited in the wilderness until Nesingwary bagged his favorite kill, which he was bound to pose for an image taken from a Super Snapper FX. Well, Nesingwary finally found a massive multi-pronged Talbuk, and with the legendary hunting skill he is known for, took the beast down with a shot through the heart. This is when Ubarlight went to action! While the Dwarf, being short and therefore walking slower then others, set the Super Snapper FX to a timer, and then made his way to the kill to pose for a wall worthy image, Ubarlight carried over his latest kill and plopped it down a short ways away behind the foolish Dwarf, so that the Dwarf would not see until it was too late! The camera flashed, and Nesingwary was caught forever in that moment, overly excited and exasperated, and also as the fool he is for trying to trick Ubarlight!

When the proud Dwarf got the image developed in Area 52 a few days later after boasting about it whole-heartedly, he became the laughing stock of the whole hunting forum community! However, since he is a Dwarf he is also stubborn, and refused to leave Nagrand. But instead of hunting game on his own, since he has decided to never fire a rifle again, he is seeking out other hunters to kill game for him, since he is now too ashamed to hunt them for himself.

For those wish into see Ubarlight outdo Hemet Nesingwary when in comes to hunting prowess! [37]

With Nesingwary put out to pasture, Ubarlight got word of an old friend who had taken up residence in a large city of ruins known as Shattrah. Could it be that Khadgar, a proud representative of all that is Totally Awesome and Wicked Sweet, has survived the many years of harsh battle for survival in this foreign land!? Khadgar made the Totally Awesome act of “sacrificing” himself by closing the Dark Portal from the other side, and a week later Ubarlight found a letter in the mail from Khadgar explaining how the women on that side of the Portal were hot and he was taking them all to himself. Ubarlight did not interfere that time, since he was too busy owning up Azeroth and wooing the ladies on this side! OH YEA!

So Ubarlight headed to Shattrah, to see it’s wimpy races at peace with each other, with their teleporting should anyone attempt to fight, and knew his old friend Khadgar was in trouble. Surely no one would stay in this wussy town! Look how it shelters the wusses and wimps down below, those refugees who refused to give into the ways of the Totally Awesome and lost all they had! Ubarlight found Khadgar in the heart of this dark city, pointing up at a being called a “Naruu” instead of pointing up to Ubarlight, which would have been the Totally Awesome thing to do. These Naruu have brainwashed Khadgar into thinking that the ways of the wuss are better then the ways of the Totally Awesome and Wicked Sweet! Khadgar refused when Ubarlight offered to leave the city and hit on some hot ladies! Ubarlight must save his old friend at all costs, and Ubarlight knows that Khadgar was once very powerful in the ways of the Totally Awesome (But of course not as powerful as Ubarlight), and in order to defeat his friend and get him back on the right path, Ubarlight may have to be in one of the fiercest battles Argent Dawn has ever known...

To be continued... [38]


A few residents of Argent Dawn (No doubt the wussiest of the bunch) are speculative on Ubarlight's authenticity

Oh ho? What is this? Do the members of Argent Dawn challenge Ubarlight for his authenticity? Dare they incite the wrath of the Totally Awesome, so that it may be released upon them, sending it’s forceful waves in a wide arc from the handsomely posing Ubarlight in the center? Dare they try to stand tall while this wave crushes them faster then a Fel Reaver tip toeing up to it’s prey?

See how the residents of Outland has made your stray from the right path, see how they would seek to join you altogether in a peaceful alliance to destroy the Burning Wusses’s Crusade? We all know the real way to do it, to run up alone, hammer swinging in a bout of boot to butt action, clearing a path as the wimps flee in terror or be tossed into the air and eventually into the void as they are flung around by the might of the Totally Awesome and IWIN! Button!?

Ubarlight remembers some things you don’t, as your minds are small and narrowed viewed, not properly educated in all forms of philosophies and sciences. Do you remember the title of Ubarlight’s first forum post? Do you! Hoo-hah! The title was “You’re all wusses, BUT I OWN YOU!” that was the title that cracked the tranquil crust of Argent Dawn and forever sent it spinning in the nether, filled with bliss from it’s own discovery of Ubarlight and his mastered movements in dance and flex. That’s right! Ubarlight was only a Totally Awesome Level 1 then, and even then, the vultures attempted to circle him as if he were dragon’s bones in the Badlands, and yet they failed, and whereas they no longer exist, Ubarlight remains like an eternal Troll temple! He was on Argent Dawn first, as it is his home, and he traversed to Blackrock to show those wusses who the real man in charge was, and Blackrock crumbled under his weight, and hid from the shining glory that was Ubarlight, riding hither and yon on his Studly Steed, sending any wuss flailing that was bold enough to try and withstand the conquering rays of the Totally Awesome and Wicked Sweet.

Yes, Ubarlight has conquered many wusses along the way, some who would seek to set up false temple within Argent Dawn, and have you worship them instead of Ubarlight. They called Ubarlight a false prophet, but again Ubarlight brought the smack down! Where are these wusses now? Glaneden and Iced, King Smashy and Axxor, even the most recent, Mean Tussle, as well as the lesser deities that challenged Ubarlight and were silenced, they are lost with their own blindness, as they were unable to see the Totally Awesome, just as Ubarlight predicted. Where are their golden idols now? They are like Undead before the rays of the Ashbringer, spread out into the wind as dust and forgotten!

So bring it, wimps. If you think still that Ubarlight is not Ubarlight, tremble under the realization that no other can possess the power of the Totally Awesome to such a degree, that no one can send foes reeling back in terror and pain while at the same time wooing all the nearby ladies with a sweep of perfectly combed golden hair. The bounds of “realms” prove no boundary for one as Wicked Sweet as Ubarlight! The Totally Awesome can transverse mind, body, space and time! OH YEA!


Lackluster wusses from the Chromaggus (Wimpaggus) Server started trolling the Argent Dawn Forums, Ubarlight came to the rescue, shining in awesome righteousness

That's it, wimps. Ubarlight has had enough with this pathetic invasion! Surely you didn't expect to be able to walk in, like some Orc in a full tux strolling into Stormwind! Surely you didn't confuse the haze gathering before your eyes as some misbegotten sirocco! No! The calm is over friends, and through this tide of darkness comes forth spinning hammers of light! OH YEA! Prepare to be blinded by forces yet unknown to your kind, and soon you will find yourself cowering in terror and scampering back to the wimpy shadows that you are use to!

Do not fret, Argent Dawn, Ubarlight is here to hold the line, so that none may suffer under this poorly managed and pathetic attempt to control the useful and often intellectual forums as we know it! The trolls of Chromaggus thought they’d have it easy, but they weren’t ready for this! No! Ubarlight prefers to lie in wait, like a crafty Fel Reaver, until WHAM leaping out from behind the precipice, hammer of Totally Awesome spinning in fury and teeth shining white, HOO HAH! It’s too late, wimps! Ubarlight is here and you are cornered! It’s time for some boot to butt action, reap what you sow! One flash of Ubarlight’s perfectly combed golden hair will send you scurrying in fear!

See how they cower, Argent Dawnians? See how they know that they are outwitted and outmatched! Ubarlight has waited in the shadows for months, to bring forth his totally new totally awesome and wicked sweet owning maneuvers, bringing them down on which ever wuss first tries to gain hold of power, thinking that Ubarlight as old news! Well, the time for revealations has come! Gather forth, wusses of Argent Dawn! Show your pride and might, join with Ubarlight (Though he doesn’t need your help, of course, but Ubarlight understands how some people feel when they get left out of things, like a Fury Warrior in a raiding guild. Wimps!) Rise up and take back these forums! For every “Veiws” listed under this Totally Awesome and Impressively Written forum thread is a victory for Argent Dawn and yet another nail in Chromaggus’s wimpy coffin!

You don’t have a chance, Chromaggus, you’re old news! Your levels of wusscitude are so high, Blizzard isn’t even going to update your content anymore! No one cares about Chromaggus, because now there are bigger fish to fry! All the monsters of Blackwing Lair have since grown complacent and lazy, bored and lacking a purpose of existence! No one is going to make an effort to raid that wimpy dungeon, they’re either going to hit for Molten Core because it’s as easy as soloing a Holy specced Priest, or Naxxramas, because that one actually has potential for fun! The mere fact that you wimps are trying this feat shows your desperate nature, as you sink deeper and deeper into the mire of forgotten content. The more and more you strive for attention, the more and more you prove Ubarlight’s point, and are further made his son.

So it’s time to anti up, Chromaggus! Show Ubarlight what you got! This time, the trolling is for real, and if you aren’t careful, this serious business is going to roll you over like a field of Fel Cannons tracking an AFK flying Player. You can’t compare to the potential of Ubarlight, with his power of Totally Awesome and Wicked Sweet, and need it be mentioned, the IWIN! Button! OH YEA! Bring it, wimps, and try as you might, you’re going to get served, like a Gnome at one of Ogrimmar’s Annual Exotic Cookout Nights!


Next Post:

Q u o t e:

You're late.

The bus to Earthen Ring left about 20 minutes ago. Sorry to disappoint.

You are the wuss who encouraged those wimps, getting them all excited like a skeletal Forsaken running by a pack of Gnolls, and urged them on in this poor invasion! You are the cause for this, and your statement only proves Ubarlight's might and power! The wimps have already fled, and Ubarlight is victorious, without even having to pause and flex magnificently or arch his eyebrows! Hoo hah little one! You are not worthy of remaining on Argent Dawn! You best watch it, because Ubarlight is coming after you next, and no amount of escape art is going to let you get free of the trap Ubarlight sets! Work it!

Q u o t e:

That's as far as I got.

Learn2not-post-walls-of-text. Nobody cares THAT much.

/agree with Hexagon

That was because you cannot stand the power of the Totally Awesome and Wicked Sweet. Since you cannot comprehend it's Totally Awesome and Wicked Sweet nature, it is above you, and you are cursed forever to flounder in your own wimpy existence, struggling and always failing, unlike Ubarlight, who thinks of something and gets it done! If only you'd open your eyes to the way of the Totally Awesome, the rays of energy and general sweetness emanating from Ubarlight's perfectly sculpted form would bring you bliss and happiness to the end of your days! OH YEA!


Next Post:

Q u o t e: I refuse to read that horse %#!%. It started off funny, but I actually think he's serious, and that makes me weep for baby jesus.

See how he struggles? See how he fails to come to the realization that the only path to the Totally Awesome is through Ubarlight? He and his chum buddies from Chromaggus can't back out now, oh no! It's too late for you, Cring! You're in this knee deep, like your own race struggling through the Black Morass while everyone else rides off, leaving you behind to be the sacrifice for would-be dragons? You couldn't take the heat that Ubarlight would bring, much less Archimonde in the battle of Mt. Hyjal. Was that a spoiler? Well too bad! If you weren't such a wuss, you'd know that already!


yet another Chromaggus wuss tries to belly up to Ubarlight's impressive girth and forum stature, this is Ubarlight's response.

Oh, was some wimp vying for attention? Ubarlight was concerned with more important matters, like saving wusses from years of misfortune by looking into broken mirrors and therefore fixing them. You challenge Ubaright to a battle of words and wit? Hoo hah, wuss, prepare to be verbally destroyed! Before Ubarlight picks your wimpy statements apart piece by piece, Ubarlight will first pick you apart, piece by piece. First of all, wimp, of all the races to pick to play a Rogue, you pick the one that can already stealth? Ubarlight understands that most players really hate how Night Elf males look, yet they are strangely attracted to them. To be a Night Elf Rogue only shows your double guilt at choosing something that is so ashamed and confused at it's own looks, it has to hide twice as hard. Your name is Keenzhal, which must indicate that you are keen with your pick in class and race. Other than sounding like a toilet cleaner, Ubarlight will guess you have an even more amount of keen towards your decision, as you wish to haul it around everywhere you go.

Q u o t e: I tried to save one of your slaves, but alas, I failed. So, now the gloves come off.

Oh ho! The gloves now come off aye? The special oiled-for-comfort leather gardening gloves that you bought in Westfall? Now your hands are at risk for pricks and thorns that would leave you nursing on your fingers for hours like a hungry baby Ogre! Ubarlight's hands are built like iron for tendons and khorium for flesh, and his gloves are made of Wicked Sweet Solid Riveted Steel that can crush their way through a Makura Prawn's shell! So bring forth that leather handkerchief of yours! Its time to go toe to toe with a wuss who thinks he knows something about something!

Q u o t e: You call us wimps because we are smaller than you? We may be small but we are of mighty heart. Our smallest gnomes have peered at the toenails of monstrous dragons and stood their ground. Our night elves have held off seiges with little hope of food or rescue with only the dream of protecting their woodlands to keep them fighting. Even our tauren enemies have milked themselves dry to feed their armies against the scourge.

Ubarlight calls you not wimps due to your size, Ubarlight calls you wimps because of your pathetic display and lack of tact. While those futile attempts to invade another server's forums failed miserably, and only spread contempt and whining, much time was wasted. If Chromaggus spent their time as Ubarlight spent his time, flexing for ladies and making sure his skin was the right color of tan to blend in with the wildernesses, they might be a little more Totally Awesome them they are now. Don't speak to Ubarlight about Night Elves starving! Night Elves are a pathetic race and are doomed to die of starvation, see how in Auberdine, there are four food and drink vendors within five feet of each other, lest a Night Elf lose their way within their own town and starve in some dark corner as they panic. And the Tauren fend off the Scourge? Hah! The Scourge is mainly on the other continent, boy, and it would have been the people of Lordaeron and the Argent Dawn themselves that put up the most resistance during those great battles. The Tauren were still idle chewing cud while Razormane and Centaur ran circles around them! Any supplies now a days would have come from Argent Dawn, not either from the Horde or Alliance themselves.

Q u o t e: Ubarslight, you may have converted the weak willed dawnians, but I will fight you tooth and nail if you seek to convert one soul off my beloved home. You may be charming and beguiling with your promises of a future filled with lightness and trees that grow free warp burgers watered by fountains of dwarven stout. But, my people are not so easily led astray. We seek the true path, not the easy one.

Ubarlight knows you are a wuss, but he'll break it gently to you. You are a wuss and the only true path to the Totally Awesome and Wicked Sweet is through Ubarlight himself. The masses feel the Totally Awesome spreading outward from his being and they feel happiness and joy. However, the whole reason Chromaggus is here is because some wuss got all upset and started to rile up the other wimps, and convince them to come over here. Well, what have you found? Ubarlight! The true path! Remove the cover of greed and deception from your eyes and struggle to look upon Ubarlight's impressive form. To do so is not easy, for one strategic flex from Ubarlight send a shudder through the masses, and one gust of wind filtering like wine through Ubarlight's perfectly sculpted hair cause all but the closest to the Totally Awesome to look away in fear! You will begin to fill with light and awesome and things you never knew were possible, but until then, you will remain miserable, squandering around other people's territories seeking for something that you will never find.

Q u o t e: So, bring your false prophesies, bring your army of witless worshippers. In the end, it will only mean your defeat. Because, when the battle becomes bloodiest, and my people continue to fight through the darkness, where will your army be when they become disillusioned and realize that your promises are as empty as their bellies?

Ubarlight's worshippers are true and awesome. They have the strength and the wit to follow Ubarlight through the darkest of times, even when the times are so dark that they all think that the best way to survive is to pull off something with a high level of wuscosity, like invading another server's forums. Your people fight in the darkness, because that's where you are, struggling and blind, convincing yourself that the ways of the wuss are better than the ways of the awesome. Ubaright's people fight on a plateau of light, the golden sun making rays through the dust as we strive forward on our path to the Totally Awesome, and send all our enemies cowering in fear back to the shadows where they belong!

So bring it all on! You lack the power of the Totally Awesome and Wicked Sweet! The more you struggle the worse it gets! You're more pathetic then a Draenei scout that gets caught over and over by Sketti forces, because they know that adventurers will come rescue them, and that makes them feel important.

Q u o t e:
Ubarslight

One of your followers calls me a silver tongued serpent, but I claim that you are the one who hides behind a deceptive latticework of words. But even dressed up so prettily your words betray some of your darker intentions. You flex to send a shudder through the masses? It is clear that you use your power to scare those who would not readily put you on the throne that you so eagerly seek. You misuse your physical beauty to set yourself above others and to feed your own gluttinous soul. As beautiful as I am and as many wrongs as I may have committed in my mortal life, I have never stooped as low.

Aye, my gloves are worn and patched and yes, in my days as a rogue I have done deeds I have not been proud of. But never have I had others dirty their hands with what I was not willing to do myself. You fling insults at me to deflect the truth. I have been called worse, by some more powerful and many who have been able to divine my nature much better than you.

You set yourself up to become a god. But, what kind of god will you be? Will your finely sculpted muscles and hair save your people when you have nothing else to truly offer them? I weep for your followers when they finally realize that you are a pompous conniver. Some part of me weeps for you as well, roundear. For the day will come, when all you have left is your gilded thrown and your finely polished mirrors.

You assume that shudder is out of fear? Hah! All you know is fear, so you try to relate it to everything you do not comprehend! No, wimp, Ubarlight’s enemies shudder in fear at his might, because they fear what they do not understand. The followers of the Totally Awesome, on the other hand, shudder because they are suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling. A feeling of Totally Awesome! It pours from the inner depth of their being and expands outward, touching each part of them with the Wicked Sweet power! Energy and anticipation, excitement and potency and cool lighting effects surround their thoughts, and they know that through the way of the Totally Awesome, they can accomplish anything!

Ubarlight understands that others do not look as good as him, it’s only natural. However, Ubarlight does care for his community, and for some time has been selling the best of skin and hair care products, as well as exotic health care foods, with the help of captured Blackrock Gnomes. Now, Ubarlight understands wusses and therefore knows what you’ll say, but no, Ubarlight is not exploiting the masses for wealth through this. Ubarlight undercuts the Goblin and the Blood Elf markets, no one shall have to suffer the repressions of high markets! HOO HAH! Ubarlight has no need for material wealth! All Ubarlight needs is the power of the Totally Awesome and the Wicket Sweet to keep him going!

You may do dirty work indeed, Cleanzall, hiding in the shadows, afraid of the light and the truth. Ubarlight needs no one to do the work of the Totally Awesome but himself! Ubarlight is always the first charging forward alone in battle, while looking great doing it, and everyone else stands behind and waits, wishing they could be like Ubarlight. Ubarlight is armed with a Wicked Sweet Hammer and a Totally Awesome Paladin’s Dictionary that never leaves the chain attached to the side of his Wicked Sweet Steel Plated Belt! With one use of the IWIN! Button armies are scattered, enemies run as if the very nether itself was chasing them! With one hand swinging his mighty hammer about, sending wusses flying into the sky in arcs like a Druid napping on a branch in Nagrand being suddenly startled by a dust of wind, and with his other hand, reading out loud the words of the Totally Awesome and Wicked Sweet, so that his enemies are bombarded with both blows of the physical and the philosophical!

Ubarlight needs no throne, no place that sits forever still and decays with time! No! The ever changing world is his dwelling, and with his Studly Steed, Ubarlight gallops forth, forever towards the Totally Awesome, defending his followers, owning wimps, and converting those that would to the right path, the true path, the path to be Totally Awesome and Wicket Sweet.

Ubarlight now has a question for you, wuss! If Chromaggus is so great, why did an army of wusses try to invade another server? If Ubarlight is wrong, and not Totally Awesome as you so foolishly claim, then why are you still here? Perhaps it is because you have become enthralled with Ubarlight. Perhaps now, you are dependent on him, and continue to challenge and be defeated because deep down, in the heart, you’re hoping that Ubarlight will be able to pound the truth into that thick skull of yours! If you continue to post, it proves that you are indeed consumed with a desire for the Totally Awesome, and need it like a Blood Elf on a Thistle binge. However, if you do not post, it only proves that you have fled from the Totally Awesome, and will be doomed forever to cower in your own server that no one cares about! Oh yea! You’re stuck now, wimp, you can either flee, or you can beg Ubarlight for forgiveness, and though be more humiliated then you already are, you can start on your own path to the Totally Awesome! The decision is yours wuss, make your time!


Q u o t e: Too A.D.D. to read. WTB short version, hopeully contained in 5 words so I can pay atten...OMG A BUTTERFLY!

1 2 3 4 5

You are a lackluster wuss.


From Ubarlight Posters 2.2: WUSSES BEWARE

The time has come again, wusses! The armies of wimps threaten to topple over all that may be Totally Awesome and Wicked Sweet, and Ubarlight arrives just in time, teeth shining white and hair ah-blazing, ready to bring the beat down to anyone who gets in his way! OH YEA!

Ubarlight has heard the scuffling in the ranks, seeing how one raid guild will attack another, and so on. Arguing who is better, this guild or that guild, Horde or Alliance, Pantene Pro-V or Herbal Essence, and you know what? It doesn’t matter! You think that it matters that you own all the other wusses, that they are overly jealous and that every single one of them is willing to prostrate themselves in front of you for a chance to breathe heavily on your heavily accented armor, like Hogger catching his breath after causing the wipe of a 40 man level 1 player raid? Ubarlight gets that all the time. Even if you think you’re the top Gnoll of Argent Dawn, in the end, Ubarlight is still better than you, and there’s nothing you can do about it! So do not try to defeat each other, competition is fine, until it turns to the way of the wimp, filled with loathing and spite, like a Rogue left out of a Karazhan raid because they’re utterly useless. You’ll get closer to the path of the Totally Awesome and Wicked Sweet by respecting and supporting others, Ubarlight should know, he’s been giving the ladies of Argent Dawn the support and respect they need for the last two years, with his Gnomish engineered line of No-Sag Mageweave Bras, OH YEA!

Ubarlight has been spending his time guarding the Dark Portal from wimps and wusses alike, many have tried to enter before their time was due, and sat at the glowing gateway begging for summons in order to get access to Shattrath and it’s many portals, like a Hunter who cannot comprehend a way to deal with line of sight in arenas, and instead begs for a new instance that is nothing but a big field with their enemies tied down with heavy chains from the start. You think that crater surrounding the Portal formed from it exploding? Haha wuss! You are mistaken, every gouge in the terrain is a tell tale sign that Ubarlight owned some wuss hard.

For those wishing to see Ubarlight deal with a wuss trying to enter Outland before level 58. [39]

Ubarlight has also been visiting some of the older dungeons, you know, those places you spent hours farming for loot in and then abandoned without looking back, like Ubarlight abandoning some hysterical hot mama after a one night stand? Well, those dungeons miss you, and by now you may find that you can do a lot more in them then you ever could before! Why, just this week, Ubarlight visited Scholomance and bullied that wuss Alexi, throwing him around the locker room until he started crying and said that he’d wear his hair in a manly fashion instead of using it to cover half of his face with it in an effort to attract emo girls that were already only interested in other emo girls to begin with.

For those wishing to see Ubarlight pummel Alexi for old time’s sake. [40]

Ubarlight also took his Wicked Sweet bod down to Ahn’Qiraj, an old stomping ground. Remember the excitement of wondering what was on the other side of those sealed gates (And as it turned out, Ubarlight was already there months before softening up the insect denizens to make it easier for you thankless wimps when you broke into it) Some of those stone giants still cannot take a hint, and Ubarlight had to go at them with the full force of the IWIN! Button and his Wicked Sweet Hammer. Some never learn, but Ubarlight always wins!

For those wishing to see Ubarlight take the Wicked Sweet Hammer to an Anubisath giant. [41]

Ubarlight has also been spending some time in Outland, helping those wimpy races that struggle for survival. Why, one day, Ubarlight spent an entire afternoon teaching Mag’har Orcs how to meet their ancestors, in Ubarlight’s newly proclaimed holiday, Meet Your Ancestor Day! The brown Orcs were at first very eager to learn from Ubarlight, and he gave them a lesson they won’t ever forget! Those wusses never knew what hit them, hah! Suckers!

For those wishing to see Ubarlight celebrating Meet Your Ancestor Day! [42]

Ubarlight has also been out helping those wimpy Ogres in Blade’s Edge. They try hard to learn the ways of the Totally Awesome, but just get too confused, like a Murloc debating between the chance to chase a Night Elf opening a chest or the chance to bite a Gnome who has become entangled in a thorny plant, wrapping themselves up like a kabob in their struggle to break free. Ubarlight has tried to help them, by selling them Simon games at high but reasonable prices, to entertain and enlighten. Surely any simple minded wuss can complete these with ease and no mistakes, but for an Ogre, it’s challenging and life threatening, like a Restoration Druid attempting to solo farm. Ubarlight cannot imagine any other being struggling with these, they require no thought to use at all, except maybe, for Warriors. The Ogres have claimed Ubarlight their champion and will fight by his side to clean the realm of wusses! You thought Warlocks were overpowered? Well how do you feel about Ubarlight with an army of Ogres at his side! HOO HAH!

For those wishing to see Ubarlight being announced the champion of the Ogres. [43]

Ubarlight has also heard a lot of whining coming from wimps in Shadowmoon. Apparently they can’t take out mounted Blood Elves or platoons of ghosted Death Knight riders. Apparently they cannot solo Mountain Giants or the Doomwalker. Wimps! Ubarlight is going to teach you a lesson, by cleaning up the whole zone himself! How will you complete your quests now, with Ubarlight camping and owning every quest mob that reveals itself to be more than a point and click challenge for you? Soon the only thing you’ll have to whine about is your own wussiness that prevented you from doing anything before the day Ubarlight came with the boot to butt action! So all you elite wusses in Shadowmoon better watch out, because Ubarlight is coming for you! OH YEA! Ubarlight is not afraid of no wuss!

For those wishing to see Ubarlight begin his hard core owning. [44]

Ubarlight has also received word of members of Argent Dawn attempting to prevent would be predators and perverts, and Ubarlight is right there with you! Ubarlight understands the importance of youth and innocence, for the innocent youth are a lot more fun to scare and make cry! However, some wimps like young children for other reasons, reasons that Ubarlight dare not mention to you, because he understands that you constantly totter on the edge of the wimpy abyss, and does not want to give you any wussy ideas that would make you buy tickets to a Gnomish Steamy Romance Comic convention. Watch out you perverts, Ubarlight is coming for you as well! If you cannot romance someone of your own kind or age, like Ubarlight can when it comes to wooing all the attractive fully grown well endowed women that Ubarlight comes across in his adventures with good looks and one liners that are planned ahead of time and tested for maximum effectiveness, then it’s time you get a lesson in life, hard knocks 101!

For those wishing to see Ubarlight arresting an online predator. [45]

So continue to move onward, wusses and wimps of Argent Dawn, continue to seek the path of the Totally Awesome and Wicked Sweet! Ubarlight has your back, and will continue to watch over you and protect you from overly-wussified sources of wimpiness. OH YEA!


From Argent Dawn's Best? 1/08/2007 10:11:27 AM EST

Q u o t e: Ubarlight -Rylle


Q u o t e: Ubarlight -Accident


Q u o t e: I wonder if we'll be blessed with an appearance. -Valkkon


A massive thump is heard in the distance, so far that minutes later, when you nearly forgot it happened, the shock wave reaches you. A wave of dust billowing with rays of light on the horizon suddenly appears and sweeps over you, taking your breath and the native foliage with it. The sky has now become golden as the rays of the suns of Azeroth are reflected and refracted through every molecule and particle in the sky. A moment later, before the dust settles, another distance thump is heard, and this one is closer, for it only takes five minutes to reach you. The blast is devastating and yet somehow kind of awesome as well. Before your head clears of the ringing sound, a third, final thump is heard, this time much closer, as the force of the thing knocks you head over heels! You look up in the sky as the ring of the shock wave passes, and two kilometers in the air is a small figure, judging by the proportions, you see that it's a Gnome! The Gnome is cartwheeling in the sky and moving at an incredible speed. Only after the spinning figure has flown beyond your sight behind the trees a second later does the sound exiting from it's throat reach you, "...aaaAAA---whoaaa---whoAAA---whoaaa---whoAAAaaa..." as it's voice spins out of your hearing range.

Totally confused, you brush yourself off and stand up. The entire region around you has been shaken, but why? And why was that Gnome flying? Behind you, you hear the thunder of incoming hooves. Suddenly the forest wall explodes and comes tearing through it like a bad Gnomeregan pull comes an impressive sight! The vision nearly blinds you but somehow you are able to capture every detail in stunning HD quality. A magnificent Studly Steed is charging in your direction, white fur bristling with sweat and rippling with coiled muscles, finely groomed mane reflecting the sun in wavelike patterns as the wind is torn asunder by it's mere passing as the Studly Steed forces it's bulky mass across the terrain with each powerful stride at incredible speed! Mounted atop this Studly Steed is an even more impressive, nay, a Totally Awesome and Wicked Sweet sight. A mounted warrior dressed in the finest and latest most expensive and trendy fashions wielding a massive hammer that glows with power and appears to have been put to many unfortunate heads. The figure's boots are polished to silver and sealed with heavy bolts, so much that they risk to tear the very stirrups that support them. Tied around the figure's waist is a steel plated belt, to which a gold chain is attached. The other end of the chain is attached to a massive tome of incredible power and age, the Paladin's Totally Awesome Dictionary and Thesaurus. Every muscle of the Paladin is toned and oiled to perfection. Every flex of a muscle excites the air around the being making it sparkle and crackle with energy. You try to look at the glowing fiery hair of the being, but you are unable to comprehend what you see as it is burned into your vision, and you know for the rest of your mortal coil that it will haunt you as you attempt to decipher the meaning of such finely trimmed wavy hair. It only takes a second for the mounted figure to pass you, but you were filled with such awe and wonder that that second seemed to last an eternity, or at least long enough to read a long paragraph in say an online video game forum.

"OH YEA!"

The figure takes no notice as he passes you by, his head is angled upward, his perfectly chiseled complexion creating hard shadows on the ground below. His eyes are focused at something up in the sky! As fast as he erupted onto the scene, he melds into the bushes on the other side, trailing behind him the glowing dust and flotsam stirred up in the wake of his coming. A minute passes, and you begin to choke, realizing that you had forgotten to breath! A large thump is heard in the distance where the glowing figure had headed, and you look up in time to see the black dot of a Gnome as it is impacted by an incredible force just before landing and once more sailing high into the air followed by a meek "whaaaaaaaaa!" The gnome reaches the pinnacle of it's flight and begins to descend, and the shock wave overtakes you and you know no more except for bliss and the ways of the Totally Awesome and Wicked Sweet.


Q u o t e: And thus Gnome Polo was birthed.... -Valkkon


Q u o t e: Okay.

Ubarlight wins.

Imma go slouch in the corner now.

Edit: Misspelled Ubarlight, 'cus Imma lackluster wuss. -Laylla


Q u o t e: Compared to Ubarlight, we are all lackluster wusses. -Accident


Q u o t e: nods sadly He speaketh truth. When the Ubar deigns to walk among us, we become as iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittt-bitty specks of dust on a flea's nether-regions, as compared to he who is Totally Awesome and Wicked Sweet. -Rylle


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