What Wrath of the Lich King is not

From WoWWiki

This article is silly. Coming from a source other than the computer games, trading card game, novels, RPG, or manga, its content is not part of official Warcraft lore, but nevertheless has become part of the culture belonging to World of Warcraft or Blizzard's jokes.

World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King is the second World of Warcraft expansion pack, developed by Blizzard Entertainment. That much needs to be said. Since questions are too frequently asked, here is What Wrath of the Lich King is not, and a quick overview of the features that will not be introduced in ~~2.5~~ 3.0.

What World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King is NOT

Not what the packaging will look like.

World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King is not World of Warcraft: The Burning Crusade.
World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King is not World of Warcraft.
It will not be playable without The Burning Crusade.
It will not be playable without World of Warcraft.
It is not a regular game patch.
It is not the Wrath of the Lich Queen.
It is not cream-filled.
It is not SPARTA.
It is not your powdered wig.
It is not introducing a Hero Sandwich.
It is not the introduction of the Bard class.
It is not set in "Teh nrothrndes".
It is not Hello Kitty: Island Adventure.
It is not Spaceballs the Wrath of the Lich King game
It is not World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Leech King.
It is not World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Leet King.
It is not World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Leesh King.
It is not World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Looshkin.
It is not World of Warcraft: The Terror Of The Tides.
It is not World of Warcraft: The Emerald Dream (neither in a regular dream nor an emerald one).
It is not World of Warcraft: The Freezing Crusade.
It is not World of Warcraft: The Flaming Crusade.
It is not Diablo 3.
It is not a Frozen Chicken.
It is not a Rubber Chicken with a Pulley in the Middle.
It is not wepon in lockroom.
It is not Starcraft 2.
It is not Chinese Democracy.
It will not go to White Castle. Likewise, it will not escape from Guantanamo Bay.
It is not the red, red kroovy.
It is not the war room.
It is not "XOXO Gossipgirl".
It is not trade spam free.
It is not World of Warcraft 2.
It is not going to give you "The 3 Ring".
It is not like any other MMORPG. WoW is WoW.
It is not free of software bugs.
It is not playable using a truck. It is however playable using a series of tubes.
Blizzard is not responsible for latency issues caused by clogged tubes. Please consult a professional plumber.
It is not available to buy until November 13, 2008.
It is not set in "the northrends".
It is not after your Frosted Lucky Charms.
It is not magically delicious.
It is not so easy a caveman can do it.
It is not quite dead yet.
It is not just a flesh wound.
It is not food. Do not swallow World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King. (In case of ingestion, induce vomiting and contact a poison control center immediately. Symptoms of the Scourge include nausea, dizziness, loss of appetite or a strange hunger for brains, depression, rotting flesh, sadism, feeling disembodied, or inability to act or think for one's self.)
It is not the push-cart champion of Jamaica.
It is not dead, mon.
It is not a TV or movie character jumping a shark.
It is not "The Fastest Mouse In All Mehico".
It is not "Real Life".
It is not a shrubbery.
It is not another shrubbery.
It is not the holy grail.
It does not say "Ni".
It does not hold a secret that if revealed, could shake the foundations of Christianity.
It is not the "Path of Illumination".
It is not the Large Hadron Collider.
It is not a herring.
It is not a swallow (European or African).
It is not Tim.
It is not blasphemy.
It is not madness.
It is not SPARTA!
It is not to be taunted.
It is not a conjurer of cheap tricks.
It is not west Philadelphia, born and raised.
It is not Keyser Soze.
It is not the cow level.
It is not an animal!
It is never late, nor is it early: it arrives precisely when it means to.
It is not the Led Zeppelin reunion Gig.
It is not going to call a press conference and order an American cheeseburger. Cheeseburger first.
It is not Iron Man. (Or is it?)
It is not the Precious.
It is not over 9000.
It is not Mama Luigi to you, Mario.
It is NO RLY.
It is not YA RLY.
It is not the fastest hunk of junk in the galaxy.
It is not going to give you up.
It is not going to let you down.
It is not going to run around and desert you.
It is not going to make you cry. (or is it?)
It is not going to say goodbye.
It is not going to tell a lie and hurt you.
It is not the Eggman.
It is not the Walrus.
It is not the Nowhere Man, sitting in his nowhere land, making all his nowhere plans for nobody.
It is not going to get rid of a current race or class because of your dislike for them.
It is not going to nerf every class other than the one you are currently playing.
It is not "beatable".
It is not renaming the WTF folder.
It is not revealing what has become of Deathwing (or is it?)
It is not introducing a race smaller than Gnomes.
It is not a cheeseburger and should not be ingested by cats.
It certainly is not cricket.
It is not the Mammoth.
It does not have a fever (it will have bugs, but no fevers).
It does not need more cowbell (or does it?)
It is not firin' it's lazah!
It is not a snake nor is it a plane (although it may have snakes on a plane).
It does not like your mother in that way.
It is not a trap.
It is not going to repel firepower of that magnitude.
It is not your father.
It is not going to rule the Galaxy with you as father and son.
It is not the legions he commands.
It is not so serious.
It is not The One.
It is not going to put a smile on that face.
It is not capable of winning more gold medals than Michael Phelps.
It is not your job.
It is not how much money you have in the bank.
It is not the car you drive.
It is not the contents of your wallet.
It is not your ****ing khakis.
It is (contrary to popular belief) NOT the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world. Yet...
It is not going to tell you again.
It is not going to take Skynet live.
It is not what she said.
It is not the juggernaut, *****.
It will not allow you to have your life back.
It is not a dude, playing a dude, disguised as another dude!
It will not go to 11.
It will not threaten to stab you.
It cannot speak; In the event World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King does speak, Blizzard asks that you please disregard it's advice.
It cannot defeat you in a children card game.
It will not be able to screw the rules because it has money.
It may not pass Go.
It may not collect $200.
It does not come with a live studio audience.
It is not a freaky fish guy, even if it is marrying the ocean.
It will not be played on motorbikes.
It is not the reason that LittleKuriboh didn't make an episode for four months.
The Collector's Edition will not come with a demonically possessed bear.
It didn't summon a bunch of monsters in one turn.
It is not rocket science.
Cat is not for sale.

Zones and dungeons

You will not be able to enjoy this view

The following zones and dungeons will not be added in the Wrath of the Lich King expansion pack. This means you will not be able to access them, quest in them, find and/or kill mobs in them, level up in them, stay online idle in them, trade items in them, cyborz in them, spam Chuck Norris/Dirge/Your Mom/That's What She said jokes in them, or more generally play in them:

Emerald Dream
Bikini Bottom
Undermine
Pandaria
Gillijim's Isle
Island of Doctor Lapidis
Maelstrom
Magrathea
Tubbytronic Superdome
South Park, Colorado
Quahog, Rhode Island
Springfield
Dracul's House
Light Portal (A portal made by pallies and priests. Used to enter the magical Unicorn world)
Elemental Plane
Gullah Gullah Island
Great Dark
Twisting Nether
Argus
Earth
Upside-down Karazhan
Heroic Deadmines
Krikkit
Hyboria
Southrend
Azerrizzoth
West Philadelphia
Wumpa Islands
The planet of the Spore Inappropriate Creatures
The Hatch, not even if you call it the DHARMA Initiative Swan Station
Rapture
Chocobo Forest
Domino City
Appeture Labs
Black Mesa
Bel-Aire

Professions

The following professions will not be introduced:

Sapper (or anything else related to suicide and Leeroy Jenkins)
Woodcutter
Hairdresser
Professional dancer
Hobo
Bounty Hunter
Plastic Surgeon
Cartographer
Lawgiver
Haberdasher (Nor is it possible to have died in a haberdashery accident)
Nerf Herder
Tauren Skinner
Spirit Healer
Brewer
Apprentice Mopery
Fashion Designer
Lumberjack
Fish Miner
Cat Merchant

Hero classes

Not a Deaf Knight

The following hero classes will not be playable at the release of WotLK:

Archmage
Blademaster
Big Daddy
Barack Obama
Leeroy Jenkins
Saurfang
Chris Metzen
Christopher Walken
charley the Unicorn
Ricardo Montalbon
David Carradine
Chuck Norris
Jet Lee
Steven Seagal
Dark Knight
Demon hunter
Dead Knight
Death's Knight
Daeth Knihgt
Death Night
Defnite
Deaf Knight
Def Leppard
Death Eater
Death Kite
Donkey Kong
Gandalf
The Knights that say "NI"
GM
Inigo Montoya
Joe Biden
John McCain
Kevin Bacon (or any number of degrees thereof)
Lich King
(Not even) Matt Damon
William Shatner
Verne Troyer
Max Headroom
Mr. T
Night Elf Mohawk (EDIT: WILL be playable)

http://wotlkwiki.info/up2/pages/barber/male/betahairstylesformattintn5.jpg)

The Noid
Optimus Prime
Pac-Man
Pandaren Brewmaster
Richard
Rick Astley
Robocop
Rouge
Sarah Palin
Soviet Russia
Spartan
Swift Pink Hawkstrider
Jedi Knight
Planeswalker
Hogger
Princess
WoWWiki Admin
Van Cleff
Vagrant
Mankrik's Wife
Lumberjack

Races

Not your new alt

The following will not be player-playable races at the release of WotLK:

~~Walrus Dudes~~ Tuskarr
Pandaren
Penguin
Furbolg
Forest Troll
Felkarr
Naga
Ogre
Goblin
Kobold
Sand Gnome
Murloc
Pygmy Gnome
~~Crab People~~ Makrura
Naaru
Dremora
Rain Dears
Santa
Vogons
Uruk-hai
Beagle
~~Spiderman~~ Nerubians
ponies. /cry
Undead Scourge
Burning Legion
Gnoll
Satyr
Forum Troll
Philanderer
lolcat
More elves but with different skin colors
Klingon
Gronn
Etheral

Content that may not be introduced in future patches

Not a druid.

The following content will not only not be included in the retail version of Wrath of the Lich King, but will also likely not appear through content patches once the expansion has been released.

Druid "EPIC Epic Flight Form"
The long-lost "Paladin" hero class.
Hogger recast as the world-controlling end-game raid boss hidden behind the Icecrown Glacier.
The very-requested stop of Gamon´s eternal agony.
Hunter-tamed mounts
Directions to Mankrik's Wife
Mage spell "Summon Scorpions"
Gnome punting range (although Blizzard is developing Gnome Punting Teams...not really but wouldn't that be great?)
Dwarf tossing.
Toyota "Four Wheels of Fury" Epic Truck Mounts... for there are no trucks in World of Warcraft.
The "Cenarion Square" faction.^[1]
Epic Flail
Power Word: Noob (Rank 41)
Character gender changes (Unconfirmed)
Any items with 5 or more charges of "Snape killing Dumbledore"
Any items with 5 or more charges of "Voldemort killing Snape"
Cake.
Hot Pockets
Randy Newman will not take control of Gnomergan, and force all the short people (Gnomes) to be killed unless they grow 3 feet before they get lethal injection
better players

Movie of what WotLK is not

This is not quite WotLK, but almost.

Other features

In Soviet Russia, the following content will not see you:

The level cap will not be increased to 90.
The level cap will not be increased to OVER 9000!!!!
The world map shown at BlizzCon will not be the final map.
There will not be a cow level there.
The [Ashbringer]...it will not...it should not...it...maybe..?
Arthas will not die on page 637.
Arthas will die on page 642.
Arthas will reappear on page 714...or does he have an evil-er twin?
One will not simply walk into Northrend.

And most importantly...

YOU WILL NOT BE PREPARED!™

and...

YOU FACE NOT ARTHAS ALONE, BUT THE ~~LEGIONS~~ ~~SNOWMEN~~ ~~SNOWCONES~~ LOBSTER MEN HE COMMANDS!™

[1]

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